Do I end it? How do you tell when it's all gone?

[PrinceofWales]

I'll be brief as possible.

Together 3 years, known him almost a decade. One DC. I have others.

Things have been rough since DC was born last year. We've been barely holding on. Two house moves in the last year also so lots of stress.

We're just on different pages completely and I'm beginning to find his personality really unattractive. He seems to feel the world owes him something, I have a little money coming soon to clear debts and he was moaning that he wouldn't have any to clear his. He resents the money he puts into the house and says it leaves him with nothing of his own to spend. He's very martyr-ish. He's whiny a lot of the time, always something physically wrong or he's tired, more tired than anyone else could possibly be. He's notoriously unaffectionate and rejects my affection.
He is very strict on rules. He takes it personally if a 'rule' is broken.

I still love him. But I see no way forward anymore. I have talked to him already.

Time to walk away?

I feel I should, but something's holding me back.

Sorry that's make your own life without him. Typo

I have a slightly different slant..together 3 years and 1 child plus moves suggests it's been stressful and your dc must be young.You may have packed too much into a short space of time and all the joy has gone out of your relationship but can you fix that?

It also feels as if you are not a partnership but 2 parents sharing a house.He may have a point on the money, if you were a team wouldn't you act jointly? I am not suggesting you pay off his debts but have you acted sololy.

Was he always unaffectionate? Just wondering what you found attractive about him at some stage?

A life victim will never change. My ex was like this and looking at the dynamic between him and his parents, it's clear to see why. He has no sense of consequence for his actions and blames everyone but himself. He ended up driving me literally crazy, making me feel like a bad person for wanting very basic stuff.

Leave now - take the fact that you're writing this as an indicator that your mind is made up

What sort of rules?

I wouldn’t waste any more time on this negative man

Are you married to my exh?
Intrigued about the rules?

I'd like to know what 'rules' as well.
Did you both agree on the rules or were they put in place by him and you all have to blindly follow them?
It sounds exhausting.
Life is exhausting enough without adding a big controlling manchild into the mix.
This will be your life for decades.
You don't want that or you wouldn't be posting.

Hermonie how do you mean acted sololy?

He's never been married. Rules is maybe the wrong word, he's just got very fixed ideas of how children should behave from his own childhood and gets cross when they're not upheld.

He's always been aloof but used to show more emotion than he is now. He went right off me when I was expecting the baby

Oh and how I should behave. He's not controlling in any way, doesn't try to isolate me or stop me doing anything.

More that he cannot hear any criticism with feeling he must defend himself quite aggressively ( verbal only). I'm not allowed to raise my voice to him in any way without him questioning it. So any debates or arguments must only be conducted in a muted tone.

Starting to sound a little like my dh at times
13 years,2 dc together,1 sc,a lot of ups and downs stressful house move and financial messes.
Finally in the last two years have more financial stability (mainly because I manage household accounts and budgets)if he did we would be bankrupt
House pretty much renovated,both have good jobs,dc growing up so more fun and although life's v busy it can be fun however dh can be a real fun sucker.
Has def got more selfish and rude with age
Life seems to revolve around which muscle building diet he's on so food and meals change which is exhausting to keep up with and prep,multiple trips to the gym must be fitted in,and once all his monthly personal money has been frittered on the next big thing he may be into I should dutifully supply more money seeing as I earn slightly more (about £50 a month more)without it being given back
The more I give the more he takes in every which way,financial,time,taking on pretty much all organising of finances,budgets the dc plus their appointments. Also only me that seems to take the time off work to take to these things. He can't possibly do it as he has four times more staff than I do but is short staffed

Sorry for venting. It's just the more I read here and speak with df the more I'm realising so many people are in similar situation.
It's soul destroying.

I've coped on my own with the house dc and full time work two year ago when we had a trial break for two months. I actually got into a good routine,felt less like I had to make sure everything was how it should be and more relaxed with doing things when I wanted. I did miss him but it feels the last six months or so have gone down hill again and when we fall out (always something small but escalates due to him not liking being called out on his irrational behaviour)the ignoring creates a big atmosphere which is awful for everyone.
It's only when he decides to be normal again (usually when he realises he needs my help with something or I'm just getting on with stuff and ignoring the childishness)that he wants to talk to me again.
Making me realise I'm miserable.
Sorry for jumping on to vent op. There just seems to be so many unhappy marriages right now and it's sad x

I left a man like this 3 months ago. The relief is tremendous.

Looking back I just can't understand why I spent so long tiptoeing around someone else's moods; it made me feel as if my own personality was being eroded.

What's holding you back is the comfort of how things are now...and you've no crystal ball to know how things will be after..... It's natural, but you need to be brave and take the first step x