Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

confused

7 replies

Hellopand4 · 17/01/2018 00:16

I don't even know where to start.
Im young and married. I think i jumped into my marriage way to fast, being that my husband is in the military.

To say the least, it hasn't been the easiest. I did everything i could do on my end but he hasn't. he has done a lot of bad things. From infidelity to terrible temper issues. then he realizes what he has done and apologizes. But it's a cycle that has gone over one too many times since 2016. I used to be the one trying to fix everything all the time since I didnt want to give up on my marriage right away, even though I lose a piece of me each time.

I thought this was going to be a good year, but just this past days, things blew up. We argued about something trifle and he has a temper. I know i nag, but don't all women do? Well, he lashed out and the past couple days, he went with his cycle. I am not emotionally strong and i have gone through a lot in the past with my dad leaving us (i was extremely close to him but it's like we never existed when he left us for someone half his age) and i was in a previous abusive relationship. He even had the audacity to ask for hall passes and to be in an open relationship. It hurts so much and the first time around i let him til he gave me my first STI. then he stopped bc he felt bad. The thing is, im always the one asking for sex and i know im not bad. I always pleasure him as a wife but he would be the one rejecting me of sex.

His past reasons for cheating is that he always wants something different every now and then. But he loves me so much. but idk.

Anyway, he hasnt changed and tried cheating. I found out because he forgot that he promised he would be open with all his accounts. I wasnt paranoid in the past but after getting hurt so many times, i just could deal with it and have extreme anxiety. I even told him that if he does, i wouldnt be able to take any of it. I love my husband dearly and i think that's why im so affected. He has said so many mean and hurtful things apart from trying to cheat again.

I haven't eaten, slept and rested in days. I couldn't i just feel so stressed. I've been trying to keep it together at work the past days. I havent taken an off day.

ANYWAY, MY POINT , last night, he realized what he did and apologized. After seeing me all shattered. He started to try to attend to me bc i've gotten so weak. He started trying to suggest sex, even though he knew i didnt want him or to me around him bc i told him i was done. He hurt me to the point, especially trying to contact one of his exes i despise. I felt so humiliated and worthless. he would stop trying to kiss me and try to get into my panties. I was weak, and i kept saying no and i didnt want him. i didnt want to give myself or what little i have left. he tried to keep kissing me and touch me and i started crying bc i was just so broken and beat. Ive never gotten so depressed and he just hugged me and kept saying sorry and that he felt absolutely terrible. After that, he ask if i wanted him or he would just go to the bathroom and jack off. I said i didnt want him and to go, and he slowly tried again, til he got to me.

i was just there, confused and i told him i wasnt feeling it and i didnt want it even tho he was in me. BUT i gave in and just went with it, idk why i did. i dont know if that was rape bc i continued later on but i kept saying no. I just feel like complete shit and im confused with my life right now. I feel so wrecked.

Just found this forum and saw that people answer pretty efficiently.

Thank you. I apologize for the grammatical errors

OP posts:
Bedsox · 17/01/2018 02:54

Im sorry you are going through this OP and I really hope you are safe. Im not an expert but to me i think you were raped. He got you when you were feeling vulnerable and he ground you down until you didnt say yes but you just didnt say anything maybe because you were scared, confused or just tired of saying no but being ignored. This man sounds extremely toxic to be in a relationship let alone a marriage. He set out to humiliate you and thats exactly what be did when he contacted his ex. The sti would of been way over the mark for me. I too took marriage vows less then 2 months ago and when i said those vows to my husband i meant them so i commend you for trying to work on your marriage however it sounds like he has taken everything from you and now you need to get the strength to leave. Do you have somewhere to go?

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 17/01/2018 03:00

You told him no. That’s rape.

Sorry but he’s complete scum. You need to leave now.

If you have children with him he will abuse them.

Go get the morning after pill if you need it and set the plans in motion to move out.

Sounds like you might be in the US? Someone over there can probably advise you better about pressing charges if that’s what you want to do.

Angelf1sh · 17/01/2018 04:13

He sounds horrendous.

He cheats on you
He humiliates you
He actively contacts ex girlfriends to upset you
He shouts at you
He is emotionally abusive to you
He is violent towards you (“lashed out”)
He’s given you STIs
He doesn’t respect your boundaries
It sounds like he’s raped you

Why are you with him? Don’t spend your life repeating the same mistakes your mother made with your father. Stop disrespecting yourself. You can be in a healthy relationship if you let yourself. You need to recognise the reasons you are sucked into abusive relationships. Work on your self-esteem. You can do this.

But it has to start with you getting rid of this guy. This is not a salvageable relationship. This is only going to get worse.

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 17/01/2018 06:38

He's a twat and you shouldn't feel confused. How do you feel about leaving him?

RemainOptimistic · 17/01/2018 06:42

There's nothing to be confused about.

You sound like the problem is you don't want to be seen to "give up" on your marriage.

You didn't give up on your marriage. Your husband was the one who gave up on your marriage, when he broke his marriage vows.

Your marriage is over. Get the divorce. Now.

ATeardropExplodes · 17/01/2018 06:51

This isn't a marriage is it? You are living with an abusive violent rapist.

You need to leave and leave as soon as you can.

Josuk · 17/01/2018 10:39

OP - just ask yourself - is this how you want to live for another 10-20-30 years?
Life is really precious and short

New posts on this thread. Refresh page