Coming out as a Lesbian in late 30's.... I'm terrified!

[Maxey34]

I hope it's ok to post this here? I'm really hoping that there might be other people who are going through the same thing, or who can offer some much appreciated advice!
I have finally entered a stage of my life where I cannot lie to myself anymore. I have known for years deep down that I was attracted to women, I just sadly kept trying to bury these feelings and plod on with life. I feel like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders by finally accepting who I am, which has been a major step for me, but I still feel to anxious to actually go out there and start meeting other Lesbians!
I'm quite an anxious person anyway when it comes to initially meeting people, and the whole prospect of it is completely overwhelming me at present. I haven't come out to anyone I know yet, as my family are very homophobic and I don't know many people as I'm fairly new to the area. I would much rather start coming out to family/friends though after I had started to forge friendships/links within the Lesbian community as I feel I would find it easier this way?
I live in the South, and there does seem to be quite an active 'scene' down here, but how on earth do you get started meeting people!

I can't seem to find any activity clubs/meet ups specifically for Lesbians, and at my age, I really don't fancy the whole night club scene again! Has anyone else been in my position and found it quite overwhelming/tough to start off with? Does it eventually become easier to meet people?
I would eventually like to start dating ( obviously! ) but find OLD very stressful, and I can't imagine it being any easier when you are part of a minority group!

Try a site called Gingerbeer - the lesbian guide (www.gingerbeer.co.uk.) It provided a huge source of support for me when I came out in my forties. There's women of all ages on there, you'll come across many coming out storiesin including more mature women, a few quarrels, a few marriages and a number of meet ups with likeminded women. Lots of information too.
Good luck!

Move to hebden Bridge. My friend had an epiphany, sold up and bought a house there.

Don't have any words of wisdom but wanted to wish you luck and happiness

Thanks for the replies. Hebden Bridge looks interesting! Unfortunately It's a little far from me and my older kids are settled where we are!!
'Onemorecupofcoffee' do you mind me asking how easy you found it to make friendships etc with like minded Lesbians?
I look on forums etc and alot comment on how 'cliquey' and unfriendly the meet up groups are? It's not helping with my nerves!
Thanks for the good wishes Greenlizard.

Whereabouts do you live? I was previously in Surrey, and there's quite a lot for us lady lovers around there...

I live in Dorset :-)

Ahhh, sorry, not familiar with the 'scene' in Dorset. Sounds silly, but have you tried googling what is in your area? Most counties have social groups... Also, searching for FB groups?

Well done on coming out.

Just a tip...I wouldn't keep referring to finding other 'Lesbians' with a capital L. It looks like you're hoping to meet people from the Isle of Lesbos.

They're just women. Go out and find a nice woman. She might be gay, she might be bi, she might be straight until you hove into view

Good luck.

Maxey I had a girlfriend so didn't use the site so much to meet others - we did go to a couple of meetings and found them really friendly. There's certainly a small cliquey element to the site but, like others, I just ignored that as there were a huge number of women on there who weren't part of the clique. We made some very good lifelong friends through GB. But it also has a wealth of information and many suggestions for clubs, local events, that sort of thing.

How about through work? Many larger organisations have LGBT societies. It might be worth going to meet a friendly face or two to help you.

Take yourself off to Brighton for a long weekend. Start with a drink in the Marlborough which is a lesbian pub and just ask whats happening this weekend. Relax.

I'm in Dorset and am bi (currently with a man) - Bournemouth has loads going on if you have a Google. It depends really if you want "scene" scene or women centric but mostly lesbian groups as there are a lot of sports clubs etc. There were a few groups on Meet Up too but haven't been for a while so they might have tapered off.

Just want to say congratulations and good luck! My brother came out as gay in his late 20s, though to be honest we'd known (or at least suspected) for many years. He's now in a very happy relationship.

I wish you happiness

I wish you luck too OP take it a step at a time. Maybe you need a wing man to help you,

No advice but I wish you all the best

I haven't been through this but have a friend who is, she came out very recently and is now in a relationship with a lovely woman. Her kids (8 and 16) had a rocky time of it at first, but have both now settled down and have a great relationship with mum and her partner.

She said it was utterly terrifying but got progressively easier the more key people in her life knew and were supportive rather than judgemental. She was surprised how many people took it in her stride and were happy for her - people who love you don't want you to be unhappy or live in a way that isn't true to you. Even if it's a shock for them, most people will get past that fairly quickly and want to support you.

As for meeting people, I haven't got a clue (hermit here!) but there's great advice on this thread and I'm sure there will be more.

Wishing you love and happiness

Meetup.com is a great site for meeting people in your area, it will have LGBT groups on there for 'older' lesbians. My friend organises one and they meet up every few weeks to see films, go to a gig, do something arty, play a sport etc. Check the site out.
And don't be too terrified! One big plus for dating women when you're in your late 30's or 40's in my experience is that women are looking for someone around their own age not some 25 year old like a lot of the older single straight men seem to keen on! You'll be fine. A mate of mine had all but given up meeting the one in her late forties and has been blissful happy with her wife now for 5 years...

Weymouth and Bournemouth have a lively gay scence.

And don't believe any 'cliquey' comments about groups by the way just go along and see. It's a fairly common accusation for most groups these days when an individual doesn't find the grp suits them for whatever reason. I run a parenting group and sometimes someone will accuse us ( 400 plus families!) of being 'cliquey' and it just isn't true and given the number of people in it, it's just not possible! Don't let one persons comment or opinion put you off, a group may not have been for them for whatever reason but doesn't mean it's not for you.

Hi OP

I'm also doing this process right now at similar age. Feel free to PM me if you want to have a virtual buddy?

I've name changed for this but been around for years.

Otherwise wishing you all the best.

Me too, OP and QueenOlive (also name changed for this).

I'm nowhere near you geographically and there's nothing on meetup.com in my area (live rurally) but pm if you'd like some solidarity x

Thank you so much for the replies. They have really helped my confidence. I'm still terrified about the whole thing but looking at most of these replies, I think that's normal!
I will definitely PM those of you who have suggested it... it would be fantastic to have some virtual buddies and real life support.

You aren't alone. I'm 43 and just got my first girlfriend. I hadn't even considered being with a woman until I met my girlfriend. I'm still getting used to it. If you want to chat please feel free to pm me.

Hi just wondered how things are going? I am in the same situation and feel pretty lost. Hope someone can give me some advice/ experiences x