How much praise/affirmation do you receive?

[RosiePosiePuddle]

Just that really. I feel as if I get none. No thanks or praise for anything. The opposite - constant dismissal of my opinions or corrections of how things should have been done better from dh. Dd has started following his trend. My mother was always like this. They tell me (apart from the 5-year old) that I am too sensitive and they are not criticising.

Maybe they are right in one way. Do I seek constant reassurance and interpret slight comments as criticism or have I been worn down by the years of being told that I'm not good enough?

Do your partner's give you praise? Do you thank/praise them?

I give dd praise all the time. But I tell dh I love him or give some kind of praise or affection couple of times a week. I never receive any back - ever. Apparently his actions (texting and phoning home once a day are equivalent).

are enough.

Sorry. I cut myself off.

Affection isn't quite the same thing as praise. I would say my dh and I definitely say we love each other several times a day, certainly if we are apart and texting or something, we would sign off that way when we say good bye. But also in the morning when we leave for work or before bed when we say good night. It's habit more than anything (the only times I don't say it are when I'm really cross with him!), so it would be weird not to.

As far as praise/gratitude, I would say we show it regularly but maybe not as regularly all the time as it's just dependent upon what we're saying it for. My dh often praises my cooking because he knows I put a lot of effort into family meals and I really genuinely care about them being good and sometimes it's a massive source of stress for me. I can be overly critical of them if they aren't as good as I'd like. So he does make a point of saying how much he likes them, especially if he can tell I'm frustrated with something or burnt something, etc. I try to say thank you for doing little things to help me, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed and barking orders at everyone. Similarly, with our dd, I do try to thank her for when she's been especially helpful, or especially when I was short with her, but she did her best to be really good doing something.

Frankly, I tend to be very direct and critical, so I pick at things other people do when they aren't up to my standards. I know my dh and dd get the brunt of this. I don't mean to do it, but I'm just more exacting than they are and sometimes I can be very brunt. So it's important to know that sometimes people don't mean to sound mean or critical or nitpicking about something. It just comes out that way. But your dh should know he comes across like that (I'm aware of it, even when I can't control it) and should do his best to compensate for it. Plus in any loving relationship, both people should feel loved and like the other is grateful for them. It may not be constantly or all day long when the other is busy, but when you have quite time together or on special days, it should be obvious.

Affection - lots. Pet names, cuddles, kisses, hand holding etc. on a daily basis.

Praise - less frequently but still often. We thank each other for normal stuff - not effusively but 'thanks for bathing x (DC)', 'thanks for dinner', ' thanks for putting the shopping away' etc. is the norm.

Outwardly criticising each other is not the norm for us. We don't tiptoe around but we are mindful of each other's feelings.

Like merry oldgoat here! Tells me he loves me every day and how lucky he is.

If you are describing your life and not a bad patch, I’d say you’ve been worn down by years of being corrected and dismissed. In the absence of any praise - while freely given by yourself - that’s a very grim experience to live through.

Criticising people then dismissing their hurt as over sensitivity is a low trick, played by bullies and people of a bullying nature. What happens if you criticise them, or tell them how to do things better ? Do they accept it or does WW 3 break out?

The opposite - constant dismissal of my opinions or corrections of how things should have been done better from dh

This would grind anyone down. Do you ever just tell him to put a sock in it? So if you fix something in the house and he yet again tells you how he would have done it better just say "god, this again, you are boring me, please stop". If he says you are too sensitive, tell him you get to decide on your own feelings - not him.

And I wouldn't tolerate it for a minute from your dd. Just say to her "please don't critisize me it isn't your job".

I get and give excessive praise, affection etc. We thank each other for most things we do. My children were taught to say thank you for every meal as they finished. We like living like that. Other people might not but the alternative does not need to be this kind of criticism and grinding down. It is affecting your children. he needs to cop himself on.

Constant affection. Constant praise (even for my dreadful attempts at cooking. Bless him. Lol). Daily gratitude for small and large tasks. Breakfast in bed at weekends (although i suspect that's because he gets to watch football on the telly in peace. Lol).

We were friends for 2 years. Then fwb for years. Then together for 2. Then living together for 4. Married for last 6 months. I thank my lucky stars everyday!!

Took a lot of bloody frogs though!!

Just to add, I'm as nice to him as well! Lol

Wow loving the responses. And a little bit jealous to be honest. No praise or gratitude quite the opposite and zero affection, nothing zip 🙁

OP, never getting any praise, just getting complaints and criticism and never having any affection was a huge part of why I have just separated from XH.

I always had to have a little cry after spending time with other couples who clearly appreciated each other, showed each other affection and praised each other's efforts, as it made it so clear to me what I wasn't getting in my relationship.

Like you, I also got told that he wasn't criticising and that I was wrong. I did tell him many times over the years that he needed to appreciate my tome and effort even if things were done differently to how he would have done them.

I also asked him many times to go to therapy with me, he always declined, and I ended up going myself. But I could not fix the relationship on my own.

I think you need to have a good think and then a good talk about how this is affecting you.

Fuck all.

Plenty of both.

We show affection everyday - kiss goodbye/hello everyday, always kiss each other goodnight and say we love each other when we leave the house. Cuddles on the sofa every evening unless one of us is out.

I always say thank you if he does things - especially unpleasant jobs like the litter trays or the bins. He also chops wood for our fire so I always express my gratitude for that because he's been stood out in the cold for a couple of hours to make sure I stay warm all week :)

In my past relationships I never got much of either unless I pushed the issue and I ended up feeling pretty insecure and unloved.