Husband has work related stress, I'm 3 months pregnant and now I'm stressed too

[Patty79]

Hi, looking for some advice. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. For the last 8 months my husband has been stressed at work and the last straw was that last week he was given a final written warning following a customer complaint at work having never been in trouble before or even been off sick. The area manager has always had a dislike for him and we knew it wouldn't go in my husbands favour. This has just tipped us both over the edge. My husbands manager has been sympathetic and is looking to see if he can change his duties at work to prevent him going off sick but my husband today has decided he is going to the doctors on Wednesday to possibly be signed off with stress and is going to phone in sixk tomorrow . I've got an appointment with my doctor tomorrow as I can't stop crying, I've got a constant headache and can't sleep. I'm just so worried that all this will affect the baby, I'm worried for my husbands health and we already have two girls ages 9 and 4 and I hate them seeing us like this. I'm feeling like a bad mum before I've even given birth. I try to tell myself it will all work out but that's not helping me at this moment in time. Any advice would be appreciated x

don't know what to say that will help, but things will get better. There will be another door opening.

I would be silently really angry with the area manager, the fault seems to lie with his management skills and dealing with pressure/public relations and not your husband's, and certainly not yours. It is not your fault. Customers complain in every branch and in every company.

Hoping someone more eloquent and experienced will have something better to offer. Will check in later.
And am quite sure that your baby will be fine. Make sure you eat and drink well enough and rest too (easier said than done I know)
take care

Thanks Harebellmeadow, my husbands not the only one in his team to be suffering, there is a few guys off with stress at the minute and there is colleagues who seem to get disciplined for silly matters. My husband is one of the top performers in his team and now management have basically s**to on him. I'm just hoping he can be moved into a role that's not customer facing as he deep down he does enjoy his job but it's just been getting too much for him. When I found out I was pregnant it was just two weeks after the disciplinary started so what should have been a happy time has just been a nightmare, Christmas was just awful. It's just a shame that's it took for my husband to face disciplinary action for him to finally admit and confide to his manager that he is suffering from stress. Thanks for your lovely comments x

Hi Patty. Sorry again that your family are going through this.
People close to me have experienced hell at work, not due to any major fault themselves, but due to incompetent and up-themselves managers. A real manager brings out the best in people, bonds a team for life, and has a duty of care not only to the company but to the people who work in his team. I'm sorry your husband has an a**hole manager. (In such cases there is often a high turnover and multiple colleagues are affected)

I hope that your husband will be able to find another role, because longterm in any the case the current role is not sustainable and not healthy for him or your family. If he continues he would likely have a bad burnout, so things have to change.
I wish you the best. Take deep breaths and make sure everyone gets enough sleep. Feed them well to the best of your abilities and divert your stress energy to keep everyone healthy (I drink lemon juice mixed with water for vitamin c). Ensure you take zinc and vitamin d, and if you all stay healthy (no flu) during this time it will help you get through this horrible period.

Take care ❤️🍫🍀

It really isn't the end of the world. He'll get other jobs.

Tell your husband to talk about stress meds. I fought having anything for years, despite recurrent bouts of stress occasioned by fuckwitted "management" that had me hiding under my desk crying, and lying in bed with my poor brain going like a bloody hamster wheel, night after night, till I could hardly think at all.

When I finally accepted the sertraline it was like a little miracle. My brain just stopped, and the world became manageable within days. I could see objectively and without panic the idiocy with which I had been treated, and had the brain space to get counselling and put my poor battered ego back together.

So I got another job, and when management there turned out to be dicks too, I got another.

It's only a job. He can get another, and clearly, he should.

Thanks guys, it is a large company so he is hoping to be moved to another role which is not customer facing as that's whats caused the stress too, hopefully with him being off sick they will take it seriously, think they've just thought that he will soldier on. His actual line manager is OK but he is recently new to the job, it's the manager above him who has it in for my husband. It's started after my husband reported a previous manager for bullying and went above the area manager as he was friends with the bully and since that he has had my husbands card marked. My husband has phoned his boss today and told him he won't be in and that's he is going to doctors tomorrow and he told his boss in writing last week that he needs a change in his job role due to the stress and he was sympathetic but until they actually do make changes I think he will be signed off by doctor. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow to see if he can give me something to calm me down, I've suffered with depression on and off for the last 6 years and don't want end up at rock bottom again. I've got my first scan Monday and have hardly thought about it as all I'm thinking about is my husbands stress and worrying about if his appeal will go in his favour and if his employer will make adjustments to his job. I feel sorry for this poor baby who hasn't even entered this world yet.xx