What would you do?

[Swtppcrn]

Hi, I'm just after a little bit advice. I used to see a guy around 11 years ago we were dating but not in a relationship, long story short, he started seeing someone else. I walked into a pub and saw them in there together. They left before I could say anything to them. The friend I was out with really looked after me as I was very upset. Anyway 10/11 years later I get an email from him out of the blue. We talk and he suggest a drink I said ok. He is now single and I'm also single we both have kids. We go for a drink have a good chat and bump into a couple of my friends including the one that was there for me eariler. She had a right go at him shout and swearing at him and telling him he's not good enough. He said he understood where she coming from and didn't take it to heart. Now part of me is thinking maybe I should have told him how he made me feel all those years ago (I had let it go as couldn't stay angry or mad at him forever). I still like him and he still like me but I'm not sure I should go for it or just let the past stay in the past.

I used to see a guy around 11 years ago we were dating but not in a relationship,

What did the dating entail? Why do you say you were not in a relationship?

My advice would depend on your answer.

He lived about 2 hours away, but came down regularly. Usually sleeping together sometimes we'd go out for dinner, cinema etc.

Then I would say that was a relationship and he should have told you he wanted to end it before going off with the other woman.

It sounds as though you have low self esteem and sell yourself short, or you would see that you were owed the respect of this man as part of a relationship if you were sleeping together.

So no, don't just let him pick up where he left off. Try to get busy with other friends and things that interest you. Could you maybe have counselling to get to the bottom of allowing yourself to be a handy person to have around for sex/ a second best at most?

Thank you for your help. I wanted to know what a stranger thought on my situation. I have some friends saying to give it a go and others saying no.

Honestly your friends response said it all! No need for you to dredge it up but its clear there was upset in the past.

You and your child are worth more than you would ever get from trying to be with this man imo.

You have already 'given it a go'.

He treated you badly 11 years ago and ime people dont change that much. I wouldnt go there again, but if you do then do it with your eyes open to the possibility that you are a "black book" hook up and may well be thrown over when someone else comes into his life.

Did he ever finish the relationship with you or discuss what happened at the time? If he just walked out the pub and never spoke to you again then my answer is no. It sounds to me as if you’re the “ back up” plan and now he’s single again he’s decided he wants to see you again - while waiting for someone better to come along. This would be OK if you were both of the same view but you seem to really hold a candle for this man and it seems inevitable that you’ll be the one broken hearted again.

No I wouldn't go near him. Seems strange you would want to after so long and how he treated you?