Don't know where to turn to... feeling lost

[GullTQY]

Will try to keep simple.

Feeling lost, desperate and useless.

3 months I initiated for me and my husband to separate. My feelings for him had completely changed and id spent 5-6 months battling it but to no avail. We have 2 children together, ages 2 and 7. They have coped very well.

When we agreed to separate, I suggested we see how we feel after 3 months, he moved into his elderly parents house. My feelings haven't changed, I just don't love him,.want to be with him and have no I interest at trying again.

I'm still living in the house with the children, unfortunately he earns alot more than me, we are both paying our half of the mortgage and he pays the majority of the bills while I pay for food and anything to do with the children. I knew I'd have to face this eventually but I just don't feel like I can do it alone. I don't know where to turn to. He is now trying to get back into the house as he is saying he won't keep paying for it if he's not living here, and I completely understand. I feel like he's going to hold me to ransom as he knows I earn about a 3rd of what he does, I don't have savings, or anything to fall.back onto.

I've tried to do all this slowly, so things don't get messy for the sake of the children, but after the conversation I've just had with him, I dear things are going to turn nasty. He has been physically and mentally abusive to me in our relationship and the thought of him.coming back fills me with dread.

Who do I turn to for advice? Will citizens advice be able.to.point me in the right direction? Has anyone else.been through this? If we stay separated, and he decides to stop.paying.for things, can I get any financial help? I feel so lost because I just don't know.where to find answers. Trawling the internet just fills my head with more confusion and fear.

My life has been turned upside down, and I feel like I should have the answers but I don't. I feel like I've been naive and stuck my head in the sand, trying to deal with things slowly to save hurt and pain for everyone involved.

I don't have any friends who have been through this, they can't help settle my muddled mind. Just looking for some.support and advice if anyone can help a vulnerable lady please.

Hi lovely

The reason why your feelings aren't changing is because he's aboused you so well done for finally finishing things.

I don't have any experience but I think you should see a solicitor and get some advice regarding what your situation would be in terms of splitting up of assets and maintenance etc.

If you were physically and mentally abused then it's best if you get advice from woman's aid and they may direct you to the police. If his coming back because he's been abusive scares you, then they may be able to put a restraining order on him.

All the best

Thankyou for your response. I've posted on here before when I was thinking about the separation. Our relationship has been mainly a happy one, 20 years of content happy times, hes not a woman beater, there are ladies out there who have been through ALOT worse than me but he's got a temper and over the last 10 years he's taken out on me 3/4 times, it's not the reason for our split, I fell in love with someone else and I realised finally what it felt like to be in love, I tried so hard to carry on but it just got worse. I am not innocent in the reasons behind our split.

It just scares me so much thinking about living in the same house, what if he loses it again and the kids see and hear things again. Can't do it. Don't want to allow that situation to happen.

I don't know if I can afford a solicitor but I know if it comes to it then I will have to take.out a credit card or loan to pay for it.

I have read that solicitors don't have to be used if you can come to an amicable agreement?

I bet alot of people will think I sound like I have no idea, I guess they are right, I just don't know where to start

From everything I've heard it's false economy not using a solicitor.

It's not a crime to fall out of love with your spouse and I think his losing his temper may have affected your feelings towards him.

I would really see a solicitor and they'll be able to tell you what you're entitled to. The first half an hour is free so it's definitely worth having at least that .

A solicitor's fees can be taken out of your settlement, so don't worry about that for the moment

I don't think it's a good idea to attempt to negotiate the mindfield of divorce on your own against an abuser

Minefield*

You must go get advice. You don’t need to pay thousands out. You can book a 1 hour appointment that should be enough to advise you on where you stand regarding the house. In this instance with the living situation it is worth finding out your rights. They may be able to do an occupancy order for you so he can’t move back in or you can force a sale and both go your separate ways. Your kids are little so there will be laws about keeping a roof over their heads. It’s worth researching and finding out!

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/dividing-the-family-home-and-mortgage-during-divorce-or-dissolution