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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Transgender

19 replies

frankilimanjaro · 14/01/2018 19:39

I have been with my husband for 13 years and recently I found out he wants to be transwoman. My worry is my children I have two children my daughter who is 6 and my son 3.5 years

My worry is I don't know how his transition will affect my children. I am worry my son will copy what his dad do ie wearing female clothes and wearing make.

I would really appreciate your support regarding this matter

OP posts:
Offred · 14/01/2018 20:34

Why would it matter if your son did? It’s totally normal for little boys to get into their mum’s make up/high heels/jewellery at some point.

At 3.5 and 6 this will be a LOT easier for them to adjust to than if they were older.

MorrisZapp · 14/01/2018 20:36

What's your own personal reaction to your husband deciding to become a woman?

MiMi78 · 14/01/2018 20:38

Flowers OP. Unmumsnetty hugs for you. Sounds tough.
I think children can be incredibly accepting at their age.
If your struggling with it however, there's a support thread on the Feminist Chat board, with women whose husbands are transitioning.

ThisLittleKitty · 14/01/2018 20:38

Why would it matter if your son did? It’s totally normal for little boys to get into their mum’s make up/high heels/jewellery at some point.

^ is it? None of my boys have ever done it not that it would be a problem.

Anyway do you plan on staying with him?

Original poster
frankilimanjaro · 14/01/2018 20:41

@ Offred, thank you for your advice

@MorrisZap I am totally shocked and I am speechless!!

OP posts:
WhatWouldFlopDoToday · 14/01/2018 20:45

What’s going to happen to your marriage? Are you going to stay together? Does he still want to be with a woman or a man?

Your children will understand if it’s broken to them in a gentle, non emotional way. It may take a long time for them to understand but they will eventually. You don’t need to worry about your son copying. Unless they already copy what you wear then I’m not sure why they would suddenly start copying what your dh will be wearing.

Where’s he going to live?

Original poster
frankilimanjaro · 14/01/2018 20:46

@ MIMI 78 how do i access this thread feminist Chat board?

I don't think he want to stay with me, he wants divorce, he has said he does not love me anymore

OP posts:
ALLIS0N · 14/01/2018 20:47

What do you want to do OP ?

Original poster
frankilimanjaro · 14/01/2018 20:49

We are going to divorce, we have a house and flat, someone is in the flat renting, he wants me to take the flat and him keep the house

OP posts:
oldbirdy · 14/01/2018 20:53

Of course he wants to keep the house, but since he is the one fracturing your relationship and you are blameless and, I assume, taking on the majority of the parenting, I think you get the house. Don't you?

ITCouldBeWorse · 14/01/2018 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Deadlylampshade · 14/01/2018 20:55

He wants you to take the flat? Fuck that, get a lawyer. Whats the arrangements with the kids going to be?

MiMi78 · 14/01/2018 20:55

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3101834-trans-widows-escape-committee

He wants the house and not the flat? Is he going to be the primary caregiver?
Btw, get your financial ducks in a row and see a solicitor about divorce and splitting of assets pretty quick. From what I hear, transitioning can work out pretty expensive.

Hellothereitsme · 14/01/2018 21:09

You need to see a solicitor ASAP and do not move out of the house yet. In reality do you really want to stay married to your husband who is now dressing as a woman? He is very selfish.

Offred · 14/01/2018 21:21

Kitty - I don’t mean all boys always do it at some point, just that it is quite normal for boys to do it.

Small children often haven’t learned everything about ‘boys’ things’ and ‘girls’ things’ yet and so if they dress up it’s not an indicator that they are going to be trans or that they are trying to be the opposite gender to their biological sex. It’s just dressing up, like how wearing a dragon outfit doesn’t mean they want to be a dragon.

OP - WTF? He wants you to take the flat? That’s pretty shit of him!

Weezol · 14/01/2018 21:26

Do not move out of the house - it's your children's home and I assume you and they have ties to school/friends etc locally.

TinselAngel · 14/01/2018 21:30

Do come and join us on the Trans Widows thread OP.

I've been through the same thing. I wouldn't worry too much about the kids, my DD is fine. Worry more about yourself at the moment- this is a horrendous thing to go through and you need to be as kind to yourself a possible. Get legal advice and Counselling ASAP.

Ellisandra · 14/01/2018 21:34

Agree with the others - he can fuck off with this idea that you get the flat!

Lawyer up lovey!
I agree with our no fault system of divorce... and I also agree with our system that looks at the needs of the children. If they're with you 50:50 or more, then unless that's a massive ground fooor flat with a huge garden we're talking about, he can fuck right off.

I'm sorry you've had such a shock Flowers

20PoundsOfCrazyInA5PoundBag · 14/01/2018 21:45

You need to keep him away from the children until he has a full psychological assessment. Alot of these sudden later life transitions are actually mental breakdowns, psychosis and such. Also kick him out the house, the kids should not have to move because of his selfishness

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