Would you say this is a red flag??

[duskmum]

This is background on this guys past and why I was a bit wary

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3132097-How-would-this-make-you-feel

Anyway just want opinions on what he's just said to me. If it would be a red flag? Jealously? Or maybe future controlling?

So I went to a wedding reception last night with my family. He was in another city with a friend. I mentioned I had made friends with the bride's cousin and she seemed a bit of a party animal but up for a good time and seemed lovely.
He replied with "how old is she then? You’ll be out with her every time DS away now. She’ll influence you lol"
Now am I reading too into this? I've been controlled before and something about that makes me uneasy. Am I being silly?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3132097-How-would-this-make-you-feel

Bump

You’re not being silly, it’s how you feel. Are you actively looking for red flags with this guy? I’ve read your other post.

It’s okay to feel wary going into a new relationship. It’s natural and healthy. Even more so when you’ve had an abusive relationship.

Do you feel safe, secure, happy, excited etc about the relationship?

Would it be an idea to end it and spend some time by yourself recovering properly from what you’ve been through?

Yea I guess I am because of his past and my past. Especially since I have a D'S. I do not want anything like that around him. But then I don't know if I'm being too sensitive and ruining things.

I feel happy in my life atm. Have a good job, family and friends. I've been out of the abusive relationship over a year now. Dating some people in between. I feel like I'm ready to date but then what this guy has now said to me has worried me abit

You're free to go out with her when you like. If he objects and tries to put a stop to it...get rid.

Life's too short for that kind of thing.

I think you're reading too much into it. I hate lol, but if he hadn't put that I would be thinking differently.
But it's still good to be aware of red flags

I know sandy I haven't even been on a second date yet. Haven't got time for that kind of rubbish again.

Yea if he hadn't have put lol it could have looked worse. Just worry he's trying to make a joke but really he doesn't like it

Well I think that he is actually letting it be known that he has an issue with this and it is something that I would be mindful of if there is any other similar behaviour/comments.

Hmm yea watch I think you might be right.

To other people this might seem so silly and insignificant but to me because what i have been through and the type of guys I seem to attract these red flags seem big to me. Also like I've said I don't know if I'm being sensitive because I've been told to look out for these types of things or it is a genuine concern to me.

I honestly feel I just want to cry. I feel I attract a certain type of guy and no matter how hard I type the same type of guys come my way. All I want is a normal healthy relationship. I just don't know what to do. Pretty much all my relationships bar 1 or 2 have been awful!

I'd honestly ditch him, no guy should warrant multiple threads so early on in the relationship.

I'm considering it. Yes I agree!

It’s a weird reply. I wouldn’t expect much more than some variant of “That’s nice, glad you’re having a good time”.

duskmum

I would seriously consider getting some good quality therapy to undo all of the damaging crap you have learnt about relationships to date. BACP are good and do not charge the earth. I would also consider your childhood experiences and what lessons your parents taught you about relationships because we learn about relationships first and foremost from them. I would also consider enrolling yourself on to the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid as abusive men can and do mess with heads and boundaries.

Invest in yourself and love your own self for a change. As for this person I would give him a wide berth from now on. You need time and space to heal properly because abusive types as well seem to have radar or some sixth sense for attracting emotionally vulnerable women to exploit.

creature I agree I think that's why alarm bells were going off.

Thanks attila ive had counselling in the past on relationships and my parents. I haven't been for over 6 months now and was thinking of going back. Thanks for the recommendation. It can be expensive! Maybe you're right, just gets lonely and would be nice to have a partner but I guess I still have big issues. It's very odd because I must give off something subconiously that these types of men pick up on and it's frustrating as I don't know what it is. Wish I could change it or someone would tell me but obviously that's not going to happen

I think you really can't tell this early. But as I said earlier it's good to be on guard.