I don't know where to think after tonight

[FlyMyPretty]

Name change as this is full of poss identifying stuff.

Tonight it was arranged that DP was coming over to my house for dinner. I hadn't heard from him all day but assumed he was busy. So I went out and got ingredients, had told him yesterday I wanted to make it special, this was hard for me as my anxiety gets bad in the supermarket but I did it and got house all tidied, candles on, dinner in the oven.

9pm comes and he hasn't arrived, I had text and called just after 8, no response. By 10pm I'm actually more worried than annoyed so I went round to his house, I have a key. Find him home and not in a great way mentally, very down and not saying much. Slept all day (out of character for him) and no explanation for lack of even cancelling on me. I offer to stay for company, his mental state worries me a bit but he doesn't want me to. I leave and he doesn't even say goodbye.

I'm home now and at a bit of a loss. So not to drip feed, together 6 months, both have a dc from previous relationship, things have been going well I think. I have previous (and ongoing) mental health issues (long hospital stay for psychosis) so understand how much difficulty it can cause with relationships when you're having a different time but really, I feel that tonight was just rude and out of order. He can be a little down occasionally but nothing like tonight, that I've ever seen.

I feel worried about him but also that I don't have the mental resources to be in a relationship with someone whose mental health isn't good...that feels such a horrible thing to say.

I'm pissed off too, he could have at least cancelled.

I'm just wondering what you'd make of this, as an outsider.

Has something happened with his ex and the dc?

Bad week at work?

Do you know any of his family? Could you contact one of them tomorrow to check on him?

I’d run away

Nothing in particular has happened. Just said he was down about life in general. None of his family are local, unfortunately.

All seems a bit dramatic for only 6 months in.
You cant really know him that well after such a short time (unless you knew him before) in which case this could be perfectly normal for him.
Either way if you can't deal with your stuff and his (I wouldn't blame you) then you need to dump his stuff and concentrate on yours hun.

Yeah, I don't think you should be coping with this six months in.

If this is just how he is, forever, would you want that?

Cut your losses

I’m sorry to say that I agree, I don’t think you’re in a strong enough place in your life to cope with someone else’s issues. I think you should end this relationship before you get in any deeper.

Is he maybe putting it on to make you end it because he hasn’t got the guts?

He doesn’t sound well.

Too much hassle. I'd end it.

You've only been with him for six months and this is way too much bullshit to deal with. End it and move on. Don't fall into the trap of wanting to be the rescuer of a disaster you can't fix.

This is how his mental heath issues manifest, it isn’t rude, it’s how he copes.

You’ve got some issues yourself. Imagine someone saying to you ‘all you had to do was...’ and that’s what you should have done but you chose not to.

You had no more control than he did.

Tbh I think your experience means you’re makes able to think back and understand that mental heath isn’t a choice and doesn’t make you rude, although the effects are the same to those who are effected by it if they don’t understand. I don’t think you sound like you’re in a place where you’re able to cope with him.

You need to spend your mental strength on yourself and your child. Not on some guy you’ve been seeing for sixth months.

It wasn't put on, to be honest it was heartbreaking to see him in such a way. He clearly wasnt feeling well at all.