I've posted about exP on this quite a bit since our breakup 4ish months ago. Pretty much because my friends got bored of the ongoing dramas and said I'd made my own bed.
For a bit of context - met him Jan last year. Meant to be casual as he just came out of a LTR, but developed further to the point of being in a committed relationship. All the way through behaviour was pretty poor. He used to go distant and then turn his phone off/say he was too tired to talk, snapped all the time etc. He let his good friend sleep in our bed with him after a night out (both insisted nothing happened). Resulting from this I ended up with a broken wrist. He would namecall a lot saying I needed constant attention, that I was nuts, that he wasn't my therapist (but I was pretty much his).
He broke up with me 2 days before my birthday and a week before I was meant to move in. He wouldn't respect my wishes to cut contact and very much wanted to act like a protector over me all the time - hed pay for a deposit for a flat etc. Because I was so low I ended up sleeping at his a lot (nowhere else to go) and dropping out of my PhD. He would maintain contact with me saying he wasn't ready for a relationship but he wasn't ready to lose me. A week after we broke up I went to his work related event to support him and he was plastered. Ended up taking advantage of me leaving me with facial bruising and bruised legs after he came back to mine (consensual of course - wanted sex but bot this). Left in the morning being a total arse, moody as I was moving out and no shampoo before work. I was moving out that day. Sent him pics that night of what he had done. Cue massive guilt messages of how he had to quit drink, how he loved me but last night wasn't him it was the drink etc. Said he would give this up.
Anyway, around November I tried REALLY hard to cut contact. I mean really hard. I got a grip so to speak and started applying for graduate jobs, plans to move to new city with close friend. I can't explain it but I feel like he knew I was moving away from him ? He would text when I didn't reply and what not. I would respond eventually out of guilt and to be honest obviously I missed him. And we met to exchange Xmas gifts etc. He text me throughout Xmas, which is quite couplely imo (midnight text on Xmas eve of merry Christmas baby (pet name) xxxx" ), all the way up to NYE saying he had me a new gift and that we should meet for coffee. From new years day to this time last week he was sending me constant messages suggesting he had a change of heart about the breakup and was very apologetic. He was saying how he thought I was perfect and hed never forgive himself for what he did to me. I said I didn't know what to say - being very guarded.
When we met up he said I wasn't being myself (submissive I'd assume) and wore me down telling me how I was making "bad choices" how I was so much more when I met him. I ended up crying and he asked me to stay at his as i was in no state to get the bus home. So I did. He comforted me about MH issues. Nostalgia trip about our relationship, regrets about breaking up, kissing, crying, cuddling, hand holding and sex. Next day more of the same. When I left texts about "this mess" and how he regretted breakup and that he thinks we should try again. Last weekend was pretty emotional for me.
So on Monday he texts me saying how are you feeling. I said alright, was at work preparing for new interview. He said I looked after him st the weekend and he wanted to look after me so he wanted to meet after work so he could hand me a book. I said don't worry we just see each other Friday as we planned. He said he was excited to see me so I agreed.
Now at the bus stop (where he met me) he told me "when I went back to work, all the thoughts of us left my head. We have no future." I was a bit shocked to be honest but said okay. He got aggressive asking why I wasn't upset. I said I didn't feel sad. He said that he thought I was pissed off because I made a bad decision staying at his. I said I didn't appreciate my head being messed with and was he done? He said "I was fucking done 4 months ago !" Then he in all honesty asked if we were going to stay in contact?! I said no need, see ya later.
Is this narcissistic behaviour ? I have an anxiety all the time that it's not over (definitely not in a romantic way) in that he will always find a reason to get in contact or to control how I feel.
Has anyone got similar experience ?