Racism from sister?

[Ladyvird135]

Hi all. Really don't know what to do. Sorry but this got long.

So I've been dating the most gorgeous, funny, lovely man for around 5 months. Things are going really well. The problem is my sister.

My boyfriend is black. My sister has never met him, (opposite ends of country) but she dislikes him. And I'm afraid that's because of his skin colour. her reactions to him make me very uncomfortable.

When I first showed her a picture, she frowned and said 'not what I was expecting...'
When I ask what she means, she just said 'oh he's so... tall'
I brushed it off, but things have gotten worse.

Other quotes:
'where is he from? No, where is he REALLY from?'
'Oh he has a degree, what a suprise!'
'Be extra careful with this one, he could hurt you real bad'
'I'm so suprised you guys are still going out, I thought it was just a bit of fun.'
'I just don't like rap... No offense to xxx' (a piece of rap came on the radio, no prompting from me!)
'you talk different when you've been round his' (I don't, he has the same, standard English accent as me!)

It's just her attitude. She is constantly asking if I'm sure he's the one, warning me to be careful, expressing dislike about him. Other boyfriends have all been met with 'he's so handsome' and 'am I going to be an auntie?' whereas she's acting strange and put off when I'm talking about him. I've asked her whether she has a problem with his colour before and she just laughs it off. My mum and rest of family are nothing but complimentary.

So here's the thing. She and the rest of the family are coming down to visit soon. I really want to invite him and mum is keen to meet him. However, I don't know what to say to my sister. I'm so angry about the way she acts about him, and I don't want her to behave this way or make stupid comments to him. She might not even say anything to him. If I confront her, I know she'll go nuts and act as if I've hurt her. She'll cry to mum about how I'm being spiteful. If I say nothing, this is going to boil over,and I'll feel so disloyal to my boyfriend. We have an otherwise great relationship and I've never had to face something like this. Maybe you won't even agree she's being racist.

How do I talk to her? Do I? Do you think this sounds racist?

As a POC, if you haven’t already please let him know. It often doesn’t hurt as much if you are prepared.

Oh and yes, racist. Some braid assumptions there due to his melanoma

Broad assumptions, not braid, my spell check has issues 🤣

The ease in which you can contextualise her racism (living in an area lacking diversity etc), suggests that the shock, is probably more her willing to express her prejudice then her prejudice itself. I think this is a facet of her personality that you’ve been able to ignore until now because you could, your current bf being black makes that denial much harder to pull off.

However, I would urge you to resist the temptation to ‘pull off’ your denial, by knowingly exposing him to a person with such views.

As a POC, if you haven’t already please let him know. It often doesn’t hurt as much if you are prepared

I agree. Give him a heads up.

Tell your boyfriend and see what he says.

I would tell him about the sort of things she's said and make it clear that your mum and other family members do not support her view. Then if and when she makes any comments he's prepared. Call her out in front of other people. She needs to be challenged and deserves to be embarrassed. I think if yo7 challenged her now she'd just deny deny deny and act all butt hurt.

Obviously this approach depends on his confidence/strength of character.

Take this opportunity to try and educate her.

She sounds extremely prejudiced and obviously has negative stereotypes.

Whether this is due to ignorance or racism will soon become apparent.

First things first, talk to your partner.