How do I move on?

[Undisputed56]

Exh left 18 months ago. Very acrimonious split, ow involved, he stopped seeing the kids by his choice then assaulted me when I told him a few Home truths about his ability as a father. Social services got involved and said he’d have to apply to court for access to the kids, which he’s done and the process is ongoing.
I am on the waiting list for the freedom programme as he was very abusive during our marriage. Was supposed to start next week but the crèche is full and I can’t afford to put Dd in extra Nursery sessions.

I have now met someone else who I really like and who says he really likes me too. Sounds great. Except I don’t believe him, I want to but I don’t. I don’t know what he sees in me or why he’s interested. I assume I’m just a stop gap until he gets a better offer.
We’ve slept together a few times which has been lovely but every single time a few days later I freak out and start questioning whether it’s all a game or a trick- I’ve even been convinced he’s in collusion with my ex as they’ve both been on whatsapp at the same time.
I didn’t realise the toll on my self esteem the years with exh have taken but I can’t stop myself from thinking new guy is lying about wanting to be with me.
How do I fix myself?

I don't think being cautious and not being ready to be in a relationship is a bad thing, after what you've been through. It's only 18 months. Find a way to do the freedom programme and work on being happy in yourself.

If he's a decent bloke, he'll be happy to take things slowly, date and have fun, if he's in a hurry to move things along, that can be a red flag. If it's causing you more anxiety than making you happy, then stop.

There's nothing wrong in simply not being ready, op, and instead choosing to heal and letting this one go.

Ah ok I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
There will be lots of posters come to tell you you're not ready, or give him a chance he may be nothing like your ex.
While they mean well they won't understand, unless you've lived this type of relationship its impossible to understand.
The thing is you've been abused and assaulted, you've experienced a trauma that has become part of your every day life. Your body is craving affection and comforting but your mind, well your mind is saying stay protected, keep safe, survive.
The very real effects that his abuse and violence has had on you will be profound and you need help to work through that.
I wouldn't advise you become involved with anyone right now, you need to heal.
The only way I could describe it was like my life had exploded when I was assaulted. Like a grenade was thrown into my home, my world and I had no way of knowing how to put it and me back together.
Were the police involved? If so they should have given you a referral sheet to some help services. Use them.
I'm 9 months out of it and have been in therapy for 5 of those months. With the help of a therapist I'm gradually working my way through the experience, the trauma of being assaulted and the reasons why I found myself in and stayed in a relationship with a man whom I loved but controlled, manipulated and abused me.
Part of the healing is to learn not every man will treat me like this. To trust my own instinct when I feel something isn't right, to set boundaries and make healthier decisions about relationships. You can do that too, you need to and there are free organisations who can help you.

Thanks for the replies.
It is like I have my exh voice in my head constantly telling me I’m not good enough, not attractive enough, not interesting enough
I absolutely crave affection, I want someone to wrap me up and tell me it’s ok to feel this way. The sex, whilst lovely, and I certainly wasn’t pressured into it, just seems to make me feel worse about 48 hours later. I decide he’s only using me for sex, that he’ll go off with someone else soon and I’ll feel humiliated and hurt all over again. I have tried to voice this to him, he tells me he won’t, that he understands and it’s ok but again I don’t believe him. I think he’s just saying that so I’ll keep sleeping with him.

Clearly I am not ready to be with anyone but I desperately want to be at the same time. I just want to be normal

The police were involved, he was arrested but not charged as no other adults witnessed it and he denied it- said I’d done it to myself, because it’s really easy to strangle yourself so hard it bruises!
Our dc witnessed it all and our eldest is 10 but he wasn’t asked what he saw other than by social services.
I even managed to audio record some of it but because I swore at him it was decided we were both as bad as each other- he had no injuries other than some nail marks from when I was trying to stop him from strangling me

Sounds like the police have let you down here.
The majority of dv isn't witnessed due to the nature of the crime. I managed to get out of the house and fled to safety when I was assaulted, it was a sustained attack over a length of time but the police were pretty good. Although the whole process was traumatic, my life become a series of photos of injuries, numerous statements, restraining orders, trial dates etc we got a guilty and as hard as it was i think that helped with the whole process. I'm sorry that wasn't the case for you. Your gp or women's aid should be able to help with counselling. Google dv centres in your area, you should be able to find one. Or social servicss may be avle to help. I struggled for months to remember what my ex looked like, all I could hear was his voice. Screaming and calling me names in my head constantly. I cannot stress enough how you need to get this out, unpack the shit he has put in your head, please look into getting therapy, preferably professional trauma counselling, it's intense and exhausting at times but vital to heal.
Your feelings for your current partner may be warning signs, instinct telling you something is wrong but it's impossible for us to say that on the basis of information included in your post.
I hate to say it's you being sensitive because that's what abusers say when you get upset about being abused, you're just too sensitive, it's your fault, you're crazy. I know all the lines lol.
But on the other hand I think you do need to consider quite seriously that your concerns and feelings towards this man are a reaction to what you've been through, it can be fixe, but it's your mind warning you. At this point in time I know how you feel and I understand that I just don't have the emotional capacity to conduct a relationship.
I understand the just wanting someone to be able to tell you it's ok and to feel normal. So i will say it will be ok and everything you are going through and feeling is completely normal. But the thing is only you can fix yourself. Someone you loved and trusted broke you, they didn't destroy you though, even though they tried. You absolutely have the power and ability to fix yourself and move on stronger, different but stronger and healthier and at that point you will be ready to have the best relationship you have ever had.