Limerence

[conflictedthoughts]

Have been reading about this, having only come across the word a few months ago.

If two people are infatuated by one and another and then get together (ie it is reciprocated and not just one-sided), is it still limerence?

Or is it only limerence when in the 'crush' stage?

Trying to work out whether a pairing when it is said by both parties that they are 'in love' with each other is that, or whether it could possibly be limerence for either one or both sides?

Your thoughts would be appreciated, thank you

My understanding is yes it can be reciprocated and that sometimes it can then develop into a healthy relationship. I think it is more common for it to be one sided. I have experienced Iimerence and it is not a nice feeling. It is different to love in that it is very intense and can often bring about extreme highs and lows and out of control feelings and obsessive thoughts about the object. It can be mistaken for being in love and where it is reciprocal can sometimes develop into love. Often though it has a limited cycle and once the limerence has worn off can leave you wondering what you ever saw in the object. Some people can get addicted to the highs and lows of it and then when it wears off, think they have fallen out of love and seek the next object. It can be exciting but there is normally a destructive element to it.

Well I have been at mine for Eleven years and no idea whether reciproCated or not. Both married so safer to assume not. in my case, going no contact, moving towns etc has meant that there is no hope of ever finding out although there is no day that I don t think of him. May be that is more than limerence but it can be quite
Persistent. I wish you all the best op. May you find happiness with your limerence object , or not

Hi
My situation. A few months back I was seeing a MM. I quickly fell in love with him (or so I thought). We'd met many years ago and he developed a crush on me but he insists it was love. I didn't reciprocate at the time. Fast forward to now. I seem to be over him. I ended the affair as I was becoming obsessed with him and knew he wouldn't leave his wife. Oddly, now I don't see him much, I don't spend much time thinking about him. He said this isn't love as he never stops thinking about me. When I have caved in and seen him (recently), I feel all the old emotions again. Not sure here who has limerence?

Is that limerence or love though? Surely its love. Limerance is supposed to only last 2 years according to the 5 love languages book.

I was going to post about the same thing! I often experience limerence, I didn’t know it had a name until a few weeks ago.

Sometimes Im not sure if I know what real love is or whether I’ve only experienced limerence.

It can be reciprocated but the relationship (in my experience) is not very healthy and can be very up and down and entirely dependent on things going well between each other or it all falls apart. On again, off again, never really developing in to a nicely rounded relationship and perhaps at the expense of other people in your life etc. I might be wrong but this is how it has gone for me.