Is a relationship with siblings or parent more important?

[MardyMarie]

My exDP has two DC he hasn't seen for a couple of years. We used to have them the majority of the time and me and my DC miss them very much. He has no intention of trying to initiate contact with them. Since we separated 9 months ago, he hasn't seen our DC alone. He only wants to see them if I'm there too and they don't want to see him. They'll tolerate him on days out because he can hold the baby and I can be with them but they aren't interested in him beyond that and he's main pursuit is trying to win me back.

I would love for my DC to be in touch with their siblings but obviously that would be very difficult if exDP is still in the picture as his other DC would be upset that he sees my DC but not them. How would you approach this?

I think they are separate issues entirely. Personally, as the child of a parent who was similar to your ex, there's no benefit to children really in maintaining a relationship with a parent who isn't invested in them. I didn't want to see my dad, managed to get away with seeing him as little as possible, and he passed away when I was 18. I wasn't hurt by not having him in my life, but I was hurt and angry about the things when he was in my life and acted like a jerk and treated me like crap.

In the long run, if you think about when your dc are adults, the best people to have had in their lives are people who will be invested in them and forge long, solid relationships. If you think you would get that from their half siblings, then yes, I'd prioritise those relationships especially if they do want to see them. Your ex sounds like a bit of a waste and if they don't want to see him anyway, I wouldn't throw away potentially positive relationships with siblings for a not so good relationship with him. Realistically, I'm sure his other children know what he's like and have adjusted to life without him and probably aren't eager to have a relationship with him anymore anyway.