One Year After Seperation still feel codependent.

[jayne1044]

Hello,

I'm not a regular poster I think I have only ever made one post but for some reason I feel compelled to post tonight.

My husband moved out exactly a year ago, this was after nearly one year and 6 months after I told him I no longer loved him.
I slept on a sofa for 18 months after I told him I know longer loved him.
This happened after a lightbulb moment when I realised I had been the victim of what I now know was marital rape on more than one occasion.

We had been in a relationship for 25 years married for 20. But the coercive, controlling behaviour and gas lighting had taken its toll.

I want to file for divorce this year to completely break free but I cant put the real reasons down as I don't want my children to know.

I don't even know why I'm posting here as I know deep down only I can do this. I've come so far it took all my strength to get him to even move out but this last hurdle feels really hard and for some unknown reason I feel guilty and responsible.

Don’t feel guilty, not sure if you have a daughter, but how would you feel if that was her, you’d tell her not to feel responsible and that she hadn’t done a thing wrong and that you were proud that she had been able to get this far. You don’t have to disclose the reason for divorce to your children now or in the future, but in terms of putting things behind you, I’d suggest getting the divorce and putting the reason and showing your children how strong you are.

I do have an adult daughter, she adores her dad. I fact so much that she decided to live with him,the pain this caused me I cant describe.

You have been separated for 2 1/2 years so can apply for divorce on that basis rather than specifically stating your true reason. Just because you lived in the same house doesn't mean you weren't separated.