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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When to unmatch - online dating

7 replies

Tinderella2018 · 12/01/2018 20:40

Have followed with interest all the OLD advice - so gone in with eyes wide open. I have used paid for and free sites (Tinder) so building up a body of knowledge about this - and not taking it too seriously.
My question is, when do you unmatch? I am trying to be pretty ruthless in order to retain my sanity! What a load of total unreconstructed to*** there seem to be! What about everyone else? So far I am unmatching those who can't be arsed to send more than two words responses to what I think are not unreasonable and chatty questions ( based on what's in their profile); those who match and do not either bother to respond at all to an initial message or just do not take the initiative and send the first message; crap grammar and punctuation....oh, and please, don't send me xx's and call me hun..... I haven't even met you......What about those who don't reply for a couple of days - or in my case, more. Are they having full and fun and happy lives and are simply too busy? How long do you give them to reply before you hit that unmatch or block button? First world problems, eh?!

And yes, have had a few dates - not looking for any in particular at the mo - just in that 'discovery' phase with no expectations!

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VetOnCall · 12/01/2018 21:02

I'm also on Tinder and also unmatch for pretty much the same reasons as you:

No response to first message within reasonable time frame or no first message sent.
Poor spelling and grammar and/or text speak and/or lots of xxx/babe/hun.
Lack of effort in messages - one-word responses, never ask any questions or just plain dull.
Messages abruptly stop for more than a couple of days.
Messaging goes on and on with no suggestion of taking things further.
Any weird messages or hint of creepiness/sleaziness.

It's a minefield but there are some good'uns on there I think.

Tinderella2018 · 12/01/2018 21:19

Still waiting to meet them Vet but flippin' Nora... Are we more discerning with our swiping? (Come on men, add your experience here! ) I have now learned to look at all photos ( if any) and read through the profile ( why haven't you written one?); or actually be suspicious if they look too hot or there is literally one photo and/or height stat! ( Fish/tigers/motorbikes... immediate swipe left, right?! oh, and photos with your kid/s and or pets.... I have both and wouldn't dream of it....)

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Franwith2and1 · 12/01/2018 21:37

I was on match and got used to the chatting then lack of, xxx etc. I’m currently 10 months into a relationship where I winked, he messaged and to be fair I couldn’t be arsed. I had been chatting to two Americans who I worked out were scammers (definitely not American) so when I saw he was Spanish I kind of backed off for fear of another scammer! He would message every couple of days and I didn’t respond. He messaged me one night when I was with a friend and we reviewed his profile and mmmmm he actually looked really sweet. So I messaged them he called, we spoke a few times, met and knew at that meeting we were going to see each other. Before him I met a few, chatted with lots and most came and went. I just moved onto speaking to someone else to be fair if the ones I chatted to disappeared..... Have lots of fun on there and I wouldn’t worry about blocking etc only if they turn out to bother you I think! Good luck!

Tinderella2018 · 12/01/2018 21:44

I think you have hit the nail on the head Fran - fun! And tbh it is an endless source of hilarious stories! Not for everyone of course. But going in with eyes wide open and a thick skin! If they disappear, then..their loss really!

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VetOnCall · 12/01/2018 22:05

Immediate left swipe on:

No-profilers - just lazy and how the hell do you start a conversation with absolutely nothing to go on.
Profiles that only say '6'2' or 'just ask'.
Profiles that talk about how all the women on Tinder are crazy/shallow/all after 'bad boys'. Bitter much?
Profiles in which it's clear that they don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'.
Only one photo or shit selfies - bathroom mirror, in the car etc.
Only one Select Models standard photo and no profile - fake.
Photos of their children as profile photos - oddly enough I'm not looking to date a 5 year old.
Wedding photos as their profile photo - why... just, why?!
Photos of them holding a fish/swimming with captive dolphins/riding an elephant/stroking a drugged tiger.
If every photo is them on the piss.
If every photo is a group shot and you don't know which one they actually are - it's never the good-looking one!

I don't swipe right all that much Grin

Tinderella2018 · 13/01/2018 12:33

The very same here! And photos with your grandad are really not appealing either....

However, I do find myself pausing and staring for longer at the types you mention - my expression undoubtedly frozen in a mixture of horror and utter disbelief. Were they actually taking the piss when they posted? Surely, they are not serious...... (And I'm sure that men would probably make similar observations about the women and their profiles.)

I must admit that I don't swipe right that often either - and you can be sure I swipe left by mistake on those that I should have swiped right on....sigh.

Anyway happy Tindering and, for the lolz, please do Google Tigers of Tinder...

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Tinderella2018 · 13/01/2018 13:09

Oh God... another one. XXX at the end of an initial message..... errr, I haven't even met you so STOP with the over-familiarity. Total turn-off.

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