Feel lost after finally ending it

[Psychgirl84]

Longtime lurker but finally joined, long post hope not to drip feed

I've been with my dp for almost 10 years now, until certain events triggered my PSTD due to being abused by my father as a young child. After this I have struggled to have a sexual relationship which him and his constant berating on my weight and how he doesn't find me attractive due to the weight along with many other people insults. I felt like tonight was one time too many after he called me fat, ugly and frigid, so I finally said enough was enough and ended it. I know that it's my problem not to being able to have a normal sexual relationship but the constant berating and making me feel worthless has got me down. Due to us living together (shared house) I am so tempted to apologise and beg to be in the relationship due to not remembering how life was before.

OP I promise you you are worth more than this, and one day you will look back and be so glad you were brave enough today to end it. There will be tough times in between but you know what you deserve. Be strong and proactive. Make lists. Plan. Organise. One thing at a time. You can do this x

Thanks, at the moment I'm strangely calm and feel I've made the right decision. It's just so difficult leaving a 10 year relationship behind

How old are you? Leaving a bad relationship is the right thing to do but it doesn't mean you will not have fears and doubts.

Over time your confidence will improve and you will feel better...but it takes time.
Focus on the basics, get a new home sorted and consider counselling, even mediation will help.
Keep reminding yourself you deserve better.

I left a 13 year one. I do understand.

You know you deserve better than that

Well done for having the strength to end it. You're obviously a pretty amazing person to have survived these horrible experiences - never, ever let anyone treat you like that again. Being on your own is far better than being with someone who abuses you.

Sending you a huge squashy cuddle

I'm 33, thanks guys, was so nervous posting for the first time, thanks for the lovely comments. I know its for the best just difficult when you love someone. But this time I'm determined that it the best thing for me. Hopefully I will feel that way in the morning

I’m 37. 3 dc and moved country for xh. There’s a lot of support here. Use it. Keep posting and be strong

I get it, been there too with the sexual abuse and the effect it has. How much nicer it is, having a partner who is prepared to travel that journey with you and find ways round it all.

Your ex, as he is now, sounds mean and horrible. You will have a better time with him not there.

What you need now is a plan......for you, your development, your healing.....love to hear it xxxx

Op take time to nuture yourself, to look after yourself and to heal.

Ending a relationship is a bereavement and you may go through the different bereavement stages. Look them up, knowledge will help you to understand and gives you insight into where you are at emotionally speaking.

Have you had counselling? Your gp should be able to refer you.

Have you any support irl?

Make sure that you eat regularly, soups and smoothies may help if you find food hard to stomach right now.

I hope that you realise that he sounds abusive, you are worth more than this.

short term it's going to hurt. Long term you'll see you did the right thing. It's normal to doubt yourself and the future can look daunting. But it's a new start and you'll be okay, much more so than if you'd stayed for more of the same treatment. You'll have your confidence and self respect back and you can't put a price on that. It's such a cliche but time is a great healer, take it day by day.