Paranoid or reason to be concerned - OW

[desperatesux]

First time poster, don't know if I am going crazy or real reason to be concerned
Been with OH for close to 20 years, three kids. Both close to 50. He looks very young and is very wealthy just for context

About 18 months ago on the way to a conference he went to the glasses shop in the airport. Got chatting to one of the girls and tennis came up and she mentioned that she had played college tennis but wasn’t in a club over here. (She is from foreign)
He gave her his card and said to contact him if she wanted play and he would bring her to hisclub etc (apparently getting to play people of that standard is not easy as you would have to pay the coaches there etc)

She contacted him a number of weeks later and he met her in at the club (expensive and exclusive), played and dropped her back into town. I was never told about any of this. She mentioned she was looking for a job in the finance world and he was giving her advise on setting up a Linkedln in profile etc Also spoke to the coaches in the club about getting her in (sometimes they would offer free subs or reduced ones to v good players) and also spoke to his brother about getting her into his club – don’t think anything came of either. He might have played again but contact waned and in March when he was going away again he popped in again there, met her again and bought different type of sunglasses this time. More contact, tennis was arranged in June and he offered to collect her from her house if it was easier (which it was, played and dropped her home after something to eat at the club which he paid for) Some texts about the glasses and then he texted her while we were on holidays in her home country to say how hot it was and she was advising about food. These are the only texts I could see (others may be deleted) and it seemed to be that you were initiating contact

He then texted her to say happy xmas and hoped to get her out for a game in 2018
She is about 24-25 and absolutely stunning

I never knew any of this until I checked his phone
He says he told me he was playing with this ex college player and I didn’t seem interested so you didn’t talk more about it. One of the times he played her I and the kids were away and he collected her from her house and dropped he home
He swears it is all innocent and I believe nothing happened as she has a boyfriend but I find the behaviour odd in the extreme and if she didn't have a boyfriend and was open to something who knows.
Am I being crazy, he says it was all about the tennis and had no interest in her whatsoever

I see you work for his company? Are you getting paid? Into your own bank account? I suggest you start thinking about moving to a competitor or taking clients and setting up on your own. I strongly urge you to secure your financial future. See this as a wake up call.

I think you are belatedly realising how vulnerable you are should your partner decide he's going to check out of your relationship. If your skills are transferable then I would sincerely advise you to consider setting up on your own or at the very least ensure that you present him with billable hours as a consultant to his business. If he asks you 'what's changed', you can be honest and say that actually it's just around the fact that you have realised that, as you are getting older, you have minimal security as you are not married.

Forget the OW... focus in getting your Financial Share of your company into your own name.. fast

Thanks for all the support and advice. I don't need anyone to tell me how stupid I have been - that's the part that is killing me the most is how stupid I have been. I am an employee of the company and do get paid well but nothing like the millions I have made for him and I never would have stayed if we hadn't been together. I was offered jobs left right and centre so not only do I feel I gave him my beauty but also my career.
He told me he would sign over the house and a lump sum into my pension but pulling back slightly on that now and there are "conditions" that all of his issues with me are addressed. He doesn't want to get married because of these "issues" but says he will if they are sorted but won't give a timeline. Perhaps he is getting his ducks in a row as it wouldn't be a good time for the company or the kids to separate.. one doing exams etc
He is just so cold now..

Oh god, I'm so sorry you're finding yourself in this position. It's bloody awful. If he's gone cold and distant, then your leverage is waning fast. For now, try to stop yourself fixating on any other women and take the advice given on here - see a solicitor asap and get your finances sorted out as a priority.

Pretend to play ball with him. Time to be clever. Tell him you’ve realised how unreasonable, emotional and upset you’ve been and you think it might be the menopause kicking in which is making you act irrationally. You are so sorry for putting him through this. You’ve had a long think about it. You are prepared to go see an expert therapist for help in getting yourself right again and to book in for tests at a clinic to get stress etc measured and you will “work hard on yourself” but his side of the bargain is to help ease your worry/stress by signing to house into your name and sorting out the pension. Once that’s done (make sure you hire somebody excellent legal wise to double check all of it) then fuck him off and go work for somebody else or start your own business. Get some balls in your court by manipulating him by saying what he wants to hear.

What ChickenMom said. Presumably your money-making capabilities were curtailed because you bore his DCs. Please don't let this situation continue until DCs are adult, you have been out of the job market for longer.

Blackteadrinker77 the picking "OW" up and dropping her off at her house, pre and post match, when OP and their children were away is a breach of trust, in my book.

Sorry, lots of x-posting while I was typing that - ignore the first paragraph!

Agree with PPs.
He might not be outright cheating (yet) but definitely inappropriate behaviour. What guy in a relationship gives his business card to a young, beautiful woman serving him at an airport, just 'to play tennis'?
This is hitting on someone!
The fool wants his old ego stroked and is no doubt flattered by the attention of Miss Stunning.
Seek legal advice and protect your assets. Good luck!

I would go and pay for some very good legal advise. You dont need to use it but you’ll have an idea of where you stand legally.