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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ageing parents’ marital problems

4 replies

Dozer · 12/01/2018 17:58

My parents have had a long and at many times difficult marriage (arguments and verbal abuse by my DF).

Mum has had a chronic and very painful, degenerative condition since her middle age and probably couldn’t easily live independently. She is very limited in what she can do out of the home, eg cannot attend cinema, art classes, spend more than an hour or so shopping.

Dad has previously had reasonable physical health but poor mental health at times (IMO depression) which he never sought help for. Recently he has had some health worries, but nothing diagnosed. Money is tight.

They have few friends and are not geographically or emotionally close to their families (think Stately Homes threads!)

I am really concerned about them.

A related issue is that for many years, probably since my late teens, they have both, especially DM, talked about their relationship to me. I find this difficult and upsetting but feel guilty if I don’t listen. I try to just listen and suggest seeking professional (DM has found NHS counselling helpful, this was accessed because of her health condition; DF v resistant).

I live a long way from them but visit with the DC every few months and talk a lot on the phone.

Any advice from MNetters should be appreciated!

OP posts:
PinkChestnut · 12/01/2018 19:32

I know it's so hard but it sounds like you are doing all you can so, calling, visiting, suggesting help etc.

At the end of the day they are adults and need to be responsible for themselves. You're there for them if they need you

PinkChestnut · 12/01/2018 19:33

Is your mother registered disabled and got any professional help?

Dozer · 12/01/2018 19:58

Thanks both. Yes after much resistance she is registered disabled, got benefits (until reaching pension age) etc but doesn’t currently have any carers or anything. Probably if she was alone she might be entitled to somethings.

OP posts:
Dozer · 12/01/2018 19:59

I’m encouraging her to go back to an nhs psychologist who helped a lot, within what’s possible, a couple of years ago.

OP posts:
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