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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help! Where did my marriage go?

9 replies

Loulou21 · 26/04/2007 11:14

DH has announced that he has had enough of everything and is this the way it will be until he dies. He is so unhappy at work and he is now taking it out on me. Since DD was born 4 months ago he has been sleeping in another room. I feel so isolated and now I am finding it hard to stay positive during the day looking after DD as much as I love her I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. Any tips on how to stay positive through all this??

OP posts:

PetronellaPinkPants · 26/04/2007 11:46

Have you tried counselling to work out what these problems stem from? He sounds depressed to me, has he seen a doctor?

Original poster

Loulou21 · 26/04/2007 11:54

Not tried counselling. Not sure he would give it a try. Even if he goes to the doctor he wouldn't take any medication as he wont take anything if he is ill.

OP posts:

PetronellaPinkPants · 26/04/2007 12:09

Have you asked him? He might welcome the opportunity to sort it out, people can surprise you! What is making him unhappy at work?

zookeeper · 26/04/2007 12:14

He sounds as though he may be depressed - have you got any family members who can help you persuade him to see a doctor/go to counselling? Do you have support?

I read somewhere that lots of men suffer from depression after the birth of a child - it might just be that.

It's horrible for you with such a young baby - try to keep strong and reach out to people for support as you need it too.

PetronellaPinkPants · 26/04/2007 12:14

If it helps, I think that men often feel that when a first baby comes along that they are no longer the centre of attention for their partner. I should imagine if he is having problems at work that home was his haven, now that has been disrupted maybe he feels he has nowhere to go? I speak from experience as my dh has work problems and I know he finds it very hard if we have problems at home too and feels like this.

If the root of the problem is work could he give up for a bit or change jobs?

Original poster

Loulou21 · 26/04/2007 12:20

If only he could change jobs but he doesn't know what he wants to do. Anything to make money fast is what he wants. He is going away for the weekend so maybe he will be able to spend some time thinking about what it is he wants.

OP posts:

PetronellaPinkPants · 26/04/2007 12:27

Well what does he do now?
What are his skills?

Have you talked to him about this? What reason does he give for having had enough of everything? I just wondered if he has talked it through with you or he is shutting himself off from you.

Fubsy · 26/04/2007 12:27

DP went through something very similar about 12 years ago, before we had DD. We had relationshuip counselling which helped, and he also had some therapy as he was very depressed.

it all helped a lot at the time, so is worth trying if your DH will give it a go.

FiveFingeredFiend · 26/04/2007 12:30

Haveing such a young baby in the house is utterly lifechanging, i think he has gone into shock, No rash marriage decidions should be taken for at least the next 14 months.

It sounds to me like he is being selfish emotionally. Give him the option to go to councelling, go to marriage guidence, sit and talk reguarly Wednesday at 7.15, give him the options and then tell him to sort himself out becuase you are not his metaphorical punching bag.

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