Dp and sexless relationship

[ConfusedButInLove]

So while this is so embarrassing but I am at a loss of how to fix this.

Background: dp (29) me (26) have been together 4 years. We have dc (2) and I have dc (8)

Since our dc was born we have had sex 5 times in the 2 years. He is happy to be stimulated by hand both ways. Sorry tmi. But thats as far as it goes.
The first time i spoke to him about it he claim he was worried about getting pregnant too soon. So I went to the doctors and had a chat about my pill (ended up getting a different one due to migraines) got blood pressure done to reassure him.
No change.
We have spoke about it a lot but nothing changes.
I have depression so I am not highly sexed but I do have a need for an emotional connection.
The times I have instigated it he has rejected me so my confidence is quite low. I am a size 10 (not tonned up sinice baby but not like he can say I have put on too much weight for him to fancy me. I don't think)
I just feel we are old before our time.
Anyone been in this situation any advice.

Can't really help but I'll bump the thread in case anyone else has experience of this.

Have you actually had a conversation about this by the way, or does it mostly go unsaid?

We have spoke about it a lot but nothing changes.

So you need to make the changes that he is unwilling to.

"DP, I love you but I can't live without sex for the rest of my life. You're cool if I find a fuck buddy, right?"

If he says no then you know how much your happiness matters to him.... not at all. So time to go.

@TakeTheCrown I have spoke to him to the point where he must think I was obsessed. After I reassured him in regards to contraception he never really have another reason.
I have gave up now as nothing seems to change. And I don't want it to be a forced awkward encounter like on of the last time.

@NotTheFordType I would never actually do that. But I did actually say this angrily one that we should have an open relationship and he said it was ridiculous and he wouldnt want me with anyone else.
Makes no sense

@NotTheFordType I would never actually do that.

You might not put it that bluntly out of respect, but you cannot fault the wisdom.

Oh no I meant I would never actually have a fuck buddy.
But I did say the same to him in an argument should we have an open relationship. I just wanted to know his reaction. He was a definite no and I was ridiculous to suggest apparently.

Please please think about how you will feel in 40 years time when you are still (?) living with this man. Without deferring to you for your thoughts or opinion he has/will unilaterally decided that you will not have sex again - or not in the way you want. Please believe me you will feel resentful and very angry. You will feel unloved, unworthy, useless and dried up. I know. Please think about this it will not get easier for you unless your husband realises he has no right to do this to you and to treat you so carelessly and without real thought for your physical and mental happiness.

That's what I worry about Zofloraqueen27
I don't want the kids to move out and realise I have nothing. I know that is still years away but the void will only get bigger I guess maybe?

How is everything else in your life together? Is it just this one (BIG) thing or are there other issues? Perhaps you need to ask him directly if he's happy with the situation and if not point out that it's a couple issue that you need to fix together. You started by sorting out contraception; he needs to get checked out by the doctor too and then, if there's not anything physically wrong, take it from there with GP advice. There is help out there. It might be a bit more complicated than worrying about pregnancy and be connected to his perceived changes in you now that you've given birth. He may not even be aware of or articulate the problem without help. Try tackling it as a problem that you both have rather than just him or you. Best wishes to you both.

Do you know if he watches porn or has any other sexual release? It could be that he just has a very low libido - which in itself is a problem, or an active libido which can be diverted

Thank you both.
No @Bant I don't think he watches porn.
He works long days and travels too so I used to put it down to tiredness. He had a week off at Xmas and nothing. 2 weeks at dcs Bithday nothing.

And your right @Megs its our problem not just an individual. I hope he knows that
Maybe we don't communicate as well as I thought we did
Everything else is fine, We are best friends, lovely house and children.
Communication needs work defiantly.

You can't fix it alone because it's not you who is the problem

My exh only wanted to be masturbated and turned out to be gay. There again he wouldn't touch me at all.

You need to tell him that this is a deal breaker for you.

That you can't go through life without that intimacy.

My first thought was that he is gay. Sorry, but that is what I thought. If he isn't, and just low sexed, you are still in the same place.

Time passes so very quickly. You really don't want 10 years to pass and you are still saying the same thing.

Tell him you are not happy and that you will be looking for a sexual relationship elsewhere if he does not start talking. You can't solve this on your own.

*@joystir59*I am sorry you went through that.
I don't think he is gay. He is quite manly but does have a feminine side. He has said before he "doenst mind gay people but could never be with a man personally"
Maybe protesting too much.