Financial Offer in Divorce

[sunshiney78]

Just received financial offer from STBXH lawyer 2 days ago. He's offering nothing except CSA assessed child maintenance. Married for 7yrs, 1 6yr old DC. He is a high earner. 10 yrs ago, he left his ex wife a 5 bed house, £3k a month and a new £14k car. (I was not OW)

He left after I found him on Tinder and when I asked for a reconciliation 2 weeks after that he had moved in with his new gf.

I can't understand why I feel so hurt by his offer. I know logically I should place my value upon what he is offering in a settlement, but I feel like this is what me and the marriage meant to him. Zero. This is what he thinks I'm worth. Obviously my lawyer will reject the offer, but I'm just struggling to get over it and become tearful whenever I think of it. It's not so much about the money, it just feels so disrespectful.

*shouldn't

It must be very hard for you. At least you aren't going to have to wait another 7 years for him to show his true colours. At least he had his uses and you have wonderful children.
Do you have joint assets eg equity in the house if you own, pensions, savings or investments, things that are worth money. There should be a % / % split or so I believe. He can offer you 1p if he wants to but what he wants he doesn't get. That is where your lawyer steps in.
Also he is in a bubble with the new (gullible) girlfriend. What a prize. However, he's probably spun her a line about your marriage.
Hit him where it hurts- in his pocket. For your children.

Have you both completed your finanical forms so you can see clearly what you both have?

Yes we have completed forms. I've received his bank statements from my lawyer. I ran out of money in November and asked he he could pay for DD swimming lessons, he said he didn't have any money. On his bank statements that month was a >1k expense for 2 nights in a hotel, multiple meals for £200-400, £50 each for flowers and lingerie etc.

Yes, presumably you've both submitted your Form E's?

Can't really negotiate without this.

What assets do you have?

Submitted Form E's, but he hasn't disclosed honestly. There are regular transfers to another bank account in his name which he hasn't provided details of. Also says that he is self employed and doesn't have a year of business accounts yet, so no payslips provided. Lawyer is querying his discrepancies.

What assets do you have?

Minimal NotSuch. House is rented.

Any pension? Savings account?

Unfortunately, if there aren't any assets there isn't anything to split so his offer of minimal CMS payments might be right, even though it's small.

His pension is £36k, mine is £5k. We had a few K in savings, but he says it's gone now. He earns 140k (that I know of) pa, I earn £58 (I didn't work for 2 years due to child's illness, I have chronic illness on treatment). He was involved with bailiffs and county court last year for owing HMRC £57k, so maybe he earns more...?

I'm sorry to say but it sounds like you were married to an arsehole.

An arsehole who will hide from his family and hmrc, who will feel he's been 'burned before' and will prevent you from accessing anything.

Being rid of him is priceless, remember that.

KungFuEric, whoever you are, you've made my day. Thank you.

When you say his pension is 36k, do you mean per year? Or is that the total amount in his pension pot.

If you only know what his ex got in the divorce from what he’s said, he probably really exaggerated it. I’ve watched a couple of men do this — either to make their ex’s sound worse, or to make themselves sound more generous, or to play the victim.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Enjoy your DD.

My ex was also married before and I met him after the 2year divorce and settlement.
He had been generous to his ex but when I divorced him his offer to me was so low, basic cms given he was really high earner.

I think because I called time on the marriage he went into rage whereas he left his first wife.
Sadly courts are less generous (since 2015) and there is a proposal for max of 3 years SM irrespective of circumstances.If you earn 58k then I suspect basic CMS will be considered reasonable.Perhaps get agreement that he pays for all hobbies, school trips, uniforms.

My ex spent 25k on toys for himself yet refused to contribute to our youngest counselling.
Its the callous behaviour that hurts but know that you are best free from this person.
You may struggle for money but its worth it to not have ties to him.Remember you are a capable person and you can rebuild.

I am sorry as I know its the shock but its not you or indeed personal.

Hermonie2016 that’s exactly it, it’s a shock & feels personal. It’s not about amounts and “what I get”, it’s just after everything he’s put us through, he doesn’t have the decency to say, “hey, I don’t want DD to have to change schools, I know it’s an expensive area to rent/buy in, so I’ll contribute a little extra than the CMS minimum”