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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my relationship a joke

31 replies

lauren684 · 12/01/2018 11:48

So this will be a very long story ..... and my spelling and grammar is poor to say the least !
So lets jump in so I broke up with my partner of nearly eight years, because he was very badly behaved the year before last he got someone pregnant when we broke up, which is fine we where not together (even though i thought she was a friend of mine) but the child is 2 months old and they where together on and off for seven weeks (Because he spent the whole time trying to get me back).
None of that is a issue the issue lies that she still tries to text him every day drunk texts him just normal stuff, but at 4 in the morning its obvious to try and get him talking or just texts him every day, about the child yes but about stuff that doesn't need talking about, to keep lines of communication open, which he just blanks her text instead of actually saying enough is enough he knows what shes doing and laughs daily that its not his fault everyone loves him. also instead of him planning to start having his child in the near future, he just goes and sees the child and her.
They make plans as if they they are part and parcel and he is not doing anything to separate his child and his ex, he was with her till 9pm at night the other night now I don't think that is on, a few hours a week fine shes the mother of his child but not 8 hours with his ex.... But I fully understand he needs to see his son and since this has all gone off, we found out I'm pregnant (all these hormones making me wonder if I'm being unreasonable) I will be giving birth in 5 weeks and he has now decided he does not want to be at the birth, hes made a excuse, that can be seen through from a mile away. He doesn't trust my mother to look after are children we already have, but then says he will wait till after I've given birth and get my mum to watch the children, so he can meet the baby... Because apparently the next day my mother wont be a danger (not that she is) and he has not got five weeks to make a plan to find someone, so he can be at his sons birth. Now he was at his first two sons births(my children with him), but not this other woman's I'm wondering why would he not want to be at this birth, if hes been at the rest (of my children's) unless I'm missing something and because he was not at hers I now have to give birth alone ?
I feel like I'm being taken for a ride hes got me pregnant so i cant leave, hes moved back in but gives me no money and didn't help with the kids at all (i was doing three trips to school a day at eight months pregnant while he sat on the pc all night and slept all day) till i told him I was going to dump him. we don't talk don't have sex hes only nice to me after hes done something wrong, like when he turned his phone off at 5 while he was with his ex (and child ) till 9 at night.
Am i being unreasonable? do i need to end this relationship? I really don't know, I spend most of the time crying so I'm obviously not happy, but after 8 years i just cant imagine being without him, I do love him.

OP posts:
Redguitar2 · 12/01/2018 11:50

YABU and yes you need to end the relationship. He sounds awful. Flowers

Redguitar2 · 12/01/2018 11:51

Sorry!! *YANBU!!!!

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 12/01/2018 11:53

The issue is NOT that she texts him. Or wants to talk about their child's needs.

Or that "he got you pregnant"....you had a say in that too you know...you had unprotected sex with a dickehead.

He isn't a good man.

You can leave.

Your relationship is shit OP....I am sorry to be harsh but it sounds like you're confused.

Merryoldgoat · 12/01/2018 12:02

I think you need to take some responsibility.

YOU took him back after he got another woman pregnant.

YOU let him move in.

YOU BOTH made a baby in frankly dreadful circumstances.

YOU ALLOW him to be lazy and feckless.

I literally don't understand how this happens but all I do know is it will be your/his children that suffer in the end.

Start making some good decisions - get rid of him and get your life in order so your children have a shot at a settled home life.

SpareASquare · 12/01/2018 12:11

hes got me pregnant
You played no part?

Or was a new baby a way to bring him back around to your side?

Either way, I feel for all these children.

You can, and should, leave OP. Or you can continue to make excuses.

lauren684 · 12/01/2018 12:24

Oh dear lord there was me asking for help the only reason I brought up my pregnancy was because of my hormones, my child was conceived due to gastic flu. He was not planned and I thought long and hard about not keeping him, but ending a child's life because it didn't suit me or my life style, for me was not a good enough excuse.

OP posts:
lauren684 · 12/01/2018 12:25

thank you for the other advise i do think I have spent to long trying to fix a family that just cant work but i was not sure if it was my hormones or if it was time to call it a day.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 12/01/2018 12:32

Have you tried changing the wi fi password to lock him off the PC?

He's a dick. You need to get out. This can't be mended because he has no respect for you at all, and gets to do his own thing whenever he wants. There are no consequences for his behaviour. You need to not just TELL him it's not on, you need to SHOW him. By leaving.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/01/2018 12:33

my child was conceived due to gastic flu

Confused

Seriously though, OP, he sounds dreadful and you don't need him. Sounds like he doesn't do anything to help anyway. Suggest asking him to leave and taking some control back over your life and focus on your family. Good luck with the birth.

lauren684 · 12/01/2018 12:39

I have not I did tell him I was at the end and would leave and I think he just doesn't believe me anymore. I worry if I leave him he would just go back to her and the thought of that hurts me more than staying, I guess but I really cant be unhappy because I'm scared to lose him, if hes so easily lost he was never mine to begin with i guess. Also i should add me can be a amazing father and partner when he chooses to maybe hes depressed or stressed i don't know but hes just not the man i used to know or a very nice man to be around.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 12/01/2018 12:39

You feel like you're being taken for a ride?
You're the driver of this crazy train.
You're a victim of your own terrible decisions.
It's not gatric flu's fault... or this joker of a man's.
Own your shit and get your life together. I mean that nicely. Flowers
Make good decisions. We all screw up but it's as if you choose the worst option and then don't want to take responsibility for your actions.

I hope that your road ahead is a happier one, a healthier one, for you and your beloved child who will bring you joy, I am sure. But you need to ditch the numbskull dad.

TheVanguardSix · 12/01/2018 12:41

He's not depressed. Stop excusing him.
He's a dick and doesn't know the meaning of loyalty.

lauren684 · 12/01/2018 12:41

Thank you GreenFingers I think you are right and I'm just holding on for nothing the fact I had to come to social media to tell me what i already new says it all really.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 12/01/2018 12:42

Every single packet of contraceptive pills has a sheet which tells you the pill can fail after diarrhoea or vomiting - the MAP was an option.

Of course you shouldn't have an abortion you don't want to. But a child is a lifetime decision and should take more thought.

lauren684 · 12/01/2018 12:45

It kind of is when your on the pill and it doesn't work because you throw it up lol, I can defiantly take that its my fault I'm staying for the ride though, I just really don't want my boys to be upset and they love there father so much (as do I) so i try and try to fix this but It just seem to be getting worse so yes think your right time to call it quits and build a better future.

OP posts:
lauren684 · 12/01/2018 12:47

I know Merry I had sex before the flu started and had it for a week apparently because i stopped taking it I was able to become pregnant a couple of days after intercourse.

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 12/01/2018 12:53

I really feel for all of the poor children in this (yours and hers). Have some respect for yourself and for them.
This isn’t fair on anyone and only you can stop it. He’s truly having his cake and eating it.

WasDoingFine · 12/01/2018 12:55

.... being without him, I do love him....

What is there to love about him? He sounds like a dick and is stringing you along whilst he is blatantly shagging her. Sorry to be harsh but you really need to wise up

Redguitar2 · 12/01/2018 12:57

apparently because i stopped taking it I was able to become pregnant a couple of days after intercourse.

Oh my goodness, you didn't realise that not taking the pill might result in pregnancy? Have I misunderstood the sentence?!

TsunamiOfShit · 12/01/2018 13:05

Oh my goodness, you didn't realise that not taking the pill might result in pregnancy? Have I misunderstood the sentence?!

I'm assuming she couldn't keep the pill down if she had gastric flu. And if she had sex the day before the sperm can stay in the vagina a couple of days.

lauren684 · 12/01/2018 13:49

Yes tsunami that was exactly it thank you. red I would of taken the morning after pill to of made sure but as the flu lasted so long it would have been a waste of time.

OP posts:
Mix56 · 12/01/2018 14:24

So he just jollys along making babies, doesn't give any fidelity to anyone, turns his phone off while hanging out with his 2nd family, earns no money, lives at yours with no input, plays on pc all night......;
Just please grow up. Yes you may "love him", whatever that is supposed to mean, maybe "attached"? or in love what you imagined life to be with him but he is a feckless idiot.
As for not being present for the birth.......you could tell him he put it in there, he can see what he has created, including your pain, blood, shit, & tears. but actually,I would say, no don't come, & don't put his name on BC.
He is never going to man up, why would he, he walks all over you & you come back for more.

Offred · 12/01/2018 15:49

Meh, he is a MASSIVE (not very funny) joke.

The relationship is ridiculous and is making you into a joke too.

Yeah, you are not pregnant because of gastric flu, you are pregnant because you failed to use effective contraception during gastric flu, that is what it is, baby is due in 5 weeks. Make it the last time you allow yourself to be made into a joke by him.

The only thing I think YABU about is expecting him to be able to separate the baby from the ex when it is so young. If he were with her would you be happy to just send your small baby away with him? In what way would that benefit the baby?

He’s not a great dad either. 🙄 He’s a lazy, feckless idiot.

LemonShark · 12/01/2018 16:27

"I feel like I'm being taken for a ride hes got me pregnant so i cant leave"

OP what do you mean 'he's got you pregnant'?

BackInTheRoom · 12/01/2018 19:51

@lauren684

Wow! I actually scrolled through just your posts OP looking for your DP's positive attributes and didn't find any!

You know what to do, good luck 😊

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