Parenting Marriage

[Markin]

Hello,

I am new here. My story is as follows. After 22 years together with a girl, 4 months ago (after years of no sex or romance) we had a conversation that exploded and I left. Leaving behind her, our 4 year old son, our house etc. Anyway, I´m not looking for sympathy or anything, just peoples experience with Parenting Marriage.

From what I have read it is basically what my ex and I were doing since our son was born, but without the official agreement that our relationship was no longer romance and couple based. After our explosion I am sure there is no way back for us, but both of us are 100% committed to raising our son together and we still consider us all a family. In fact, she and I actually communicate better now.

However, living away from them is causing many issues, emotional, physical and financial. So this weekend I plan to suggest to my ex that I move back, into the spare room, and we reach an agreement that we are partners in parenting our son with love and stability, but n either of us is emotionally dependent on each other.

I know there are many considerations to take into account for this type of arrangement, such as dating. I am 42, she is 48. Neither of us has had sex drive for years, and I don´t think either of us would really want to bother with dating. Besides, we live in a small, rural place and no possible love connections when they realise we are living together this way (if my ex agrees to it that is).

So who has experience of this or knows somebody who has? Advice?

Thanks

Nobody got any advice or experience on this?

I didn’t want to read and run..... I don’t have experience of raising a child with an ex but I do have experience of living with one once separated and it’s incredibly difficult I wouldn’t recommend it at all.... you say you think neither of you want to date but you have no idea what your partner will want once the sea has settled so to speak it’s a big assumption to make and the same for yourself you may find you change and want to date!

I’d definitely recommend getting an Afro in place where you 50/50 co parent but in separate places.... it will likely be less confusing for your child too.... just my opinion x

No experience of it ..but it's not a great example of marriage for your son and he'll think your relationship is normal.

As neither of you have a sex drive...does it mean you just don't like each other?

I read that many psychologists are now of the opinion that kids don´t need two parents who love each other, rather two parents that love them. Maybe I ma just clutching at straws, but I believe my son would be happier with me back home, even if I was to sleep in the spre room. And I know my ex and I could control the arguments as we only ever argued about our loving relationship, never regarding our son or how to do things, the house, finances, nothing like that.

As for sex drive I don´t know. I suppose we both let ourselves go since the birth of our son. We never dedicated any time to being a couple, it was always as parents to our son. He even slept with us every night so no chance of intimacy anyway. Plus she has been diagnosed pre-menopause and I am suffering (and have probably been suffering for a long time now) depression.

You know your wife better than anyone else. If she agrees then try it, why not? Lots of people live like this, they just don't exactly admit it. It will be easier for you financially etc and you will be with your son daily. If you or she neet someone else in future well then cross that bridge if and when you come to it. Good luck.

It can work as long as u both agree on things could be Abit tricky biting ure tounge if either of u do something the other doesn't like use were probably best friends as well so no reason it can't work

Did you never argue about stuff like the child, how to do things, house etc because she does 90% of it like most women? If that’s the case I seriously doubt she will want to continue to carry the mental load when you’re not even her partner and there will be huge storms brewing if you expect her to do all the planning and organising for your son.

I think having an ex out of the house but sharing custody means she gets a break every now and then, and she doesn’t have the usual stress of the partner’s moods, washing, not liking dinner, moaning etc.

It’s understandable that you want to be there but be prepared to make a very strict roster for absolutely everything. As in, you will wash your kid’s clothes 50% of the time, bathe him 50%, do bedtime 50%, school drop off and pick up 50%, meal planning and grocery buying 50% and so on. Don’t expect her to organise the roster either. Don’t expect her to do all school admin, friends present buying, party organising etc.

I also think it will be confusing for your child. How do you organise dinner times? He will need to know it’s not a real marriage at some piont or he will grow up to think a cold, unloving relationship is ok.