DH is out partying with woman from work on a business trip

[StrawberryGin]

I posted a separate thread earlier this week explaining how I was worried about a business trip my DH was going on with a woman colleague he's grown very close to.

Now they're both in Spain and out partying. I texted him this evening but only got a short reply just now saying he was drunk. He also said 'I love you' but despite this I am beside myself imagining what they're doing. I can't sleep, I'm just crying. I feel like my marriage which seemed rock solid 3 months ago has fallen apart. Am I over-reacting? I feel sick

I think you are over reacting. He is away on business, gone for a few pints with a colleague, is now drunk and says he loves you. Would you have the same reaction if it was a male colleague he was drinking with?

Why would you assume they're doing anything other than letting their hair down and probably enjoying drinks at works expense.

To be in tears and describing your marriage as falling apart seems a serious over reaction

You need to learn how to manage your feelings OP. I hope you get some sleep

Advance search will assist future respondents not to make pillocks of themselves

Thank for the insight anyfucker had similar thoughts on original post too.

I don't think I read your other thread, but I understand why you're feeling unhappy if you have reasons to suspect he is closer to her than he should be. What has given you the impression it might not all be innocent?
Unfortunately, I know how a partner can become inappropriately close to a colleague and the excuse is often that they didn't realise how it was becoming inappropriate. My only suggestion would be to speak at the earliest opportunity and make it clear what is and isn't appropriate behaviour within the context of your marriage /as a married man. At least it might make him think twice rather than just let things happen, iyswim. My sympathy, it's a horrible feeling.

I had read the other thread thanks

maybe he is cheating. maybe he is not. your instincts could be right or these strangers on here could be right. either way, enjoy your life. don't be hung up on him. its easier for guys to cheat when they know they have a committed, loving and predictable wife at home (i know scary).
Go out yourself. Go out with the girls. Go out with your family or his family. Do things. Post it on social media. Do something you usually wouldn't do. Be unpredictable. Like him. but in your own way. At the end of the day, your husband may be clean but she may be keen. A keen woman plays games and be ready to break her flow.

Based on your other threads, I think you could use this opportunity to get financial information in order, make copies of texts between them and anything else you have, and contact a solicitor.

They were already having an emotional affair, and now they are drunk at a hotel.

I'm very sorry, but your marriage will never be the same. He has lied about spending time with her, he has said very personal things to her in texts, he has destroyed your ability to trust him. Even if you decide to stay together, it will never be the same.

Use this time to get your ducks in a row. Take back your power.

OP I cannot speak for all women but I have been the close female colleague on a business trip where I got drunk with the husband of an insecure wife. He showed me a text where she was freaking out that he had texted her and not put kisses. I can assure her and you that absolutely nothing happened and never would. You need to trust your husband, and the female colleague, that this trip is just the same.

Thanks starzig and Redglitter - you've actually made me feel better. Perhaps I was getting myself worked up and nothing is going on. I hope so.

He does really like her though ...

I read a previous thread, but you you can't really expect everyone on MN to advance search tbh.

If you think his behaviour and messaging with this person is out of character then yes I would be concerned.

OTOH, I had a few work folks who were generally travelling at the same time / in the same hotel as me. We would often get together for a dinner & drinks and there was certainly banter. Texting though would be confined to work stuff or logistics (e.g. We're both in London, let's meet at X bar with Y group and go to Z for dinner). That said, I don't casually text an particularly work colleagues partly because I just don't (Gen X perhaps, not millenial) and also because it blurs the boundaries. I have plenty colleagues who do and who aren't having affairs.

I think their behaviour has been inappropriate for 'colleagues'.

Get your ducks in a row.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

The mind can make things ten times worse than they actually are sometimes.

Is the woman attractive? I think people are lying if they would be thrilled about their husband partying with another woman abroad. Trust is important yes but the idea of it can mess with your mind just the same. Hope everything is okay StrawberryGin. Hopefully it's innocent.

I haven't read the previous thread. What sorts of texts were they exchanging prior to the trip?

Sounds cliche but trust your gut here.
With previous texting I'd be very worried as well.
As a PP said, use this time wisely.
Get info together and arrange to visit a solicitor to see where you would stand if you were to separate.