Hi 👋
Long term lurker so hope no one minds me posting?
Bit of background:
In June this year I discovered an adult chat app on my DH phone. It had lots of messages to 30-40 different ladies of varying ages, some a few lines, others weeks worth. From two of the ladies he was recieving sexual photos along with the text to go with it. The lady who was the most ‘dirtiest’ for want of a better term was the first to send the photos out of the blue on the chat log, she apologies and nothing happens for a short while and she does it again, where he goes along with it. The second lady he started the sexual stuff, but no photos. What got to me as well as the filth I found, he was using a photo of him and our LG as his profile photo. Some of the exchanges where made whilst I was sat close to him on the sofa, early hours of the night when he was at work, whilst i was on the school run struggling with the kids (1 Sen), extended toilet breaks, our daughters birthday party), you name it he was messaging them
Along with the app he was also emailing a very old friend from his old location about how he thought our relationship had ended and he didn’t know how to tell me or what to actually do.
On top of this he was also watching porn excessively, when he does he has unrealistic expectations in our bedroom.
We rowed and cried and hugged and cried, the pair of us. And obviously he’s apologised a million times over. We decided mutely that we want to make this work and be as happy as we was before all the crap. I had my rules, mainly he got rid of his smart phone for a while until I felt ready and the trust was back. Last Tuesday he went out and bought himself a new smart phone, not excessively expensive but still it’s just after Christmas (like most parents we are feeling the pinch this month!), but above all my stipulation was please wait until I’m ready. Now he’s got it, apparently he can only set it up with a fingerprint instead of a code, he’s let me look through he phone any time I’ve asked and hasn’t hesitated at all. No other signs are there that he’s back doing that stuff but I’m still hurt he’s gone against what i wanted.
Maybe I should add, been together 17 years, we are both early 30’s with a hectic life!
Was I wrong to control that decision?