Is it a bad sign?

[Mellodrama]

...if my boyfriend of 7 months doesn't send me a 'Goodnight' message every night?

I mean, surely, I should be the first / last thing on his mind, right?

Now I suffer from extreme relationship anxiety / insecurities so I'm hoping I'm just being paranoid here, but is it a bad sign?

Has his texting changed?

I don't think give it's a bad sign at all. I do think your post is a sign that you need some professional help for your anxiety.

Sorry I'm aware that sounded rude. It wasn't meant to be at all. I just think once your anxiety is more under control, you can enjoy a happy relationship.

SoleBizzz, I mean, the first few weeks were a lot of texting but I imagine that's just because it was the start of the 'getting to know one another' phase. It's not changed suddenly, no

Redguitar, it's ok And yes, it's something I'm hopefully going to be speaking with my DR about tomorrow x

No it’s not a bad sign. Positively encourage it by saying that you love it when he does it and you may even get more. Meantime chill out. At 7 months you’re still learning each other

All the best at the dr OP. I suffer with anxiety to and completely empathise

You could always text him first to say goodnight..and he'll probably reply if he's still awake .. but in all honesty it's no big deal, texting reduces as the relationship progresses

I have to say I agree with a PP in that you need professional help for your anxiety. You don't want to end up pushing someone away through coming across as needy in expecting things like a text goodnight without fail every day of the week. It's almost the sort of thing a teenage girl might want but not most grown adults.

jesus

No, you shouldn't necessarily be the first thing/last thing on his mind.
In the kindest possible way, you might want to re-evaluate your expectations. Of course it is nice to be thought of, but putting that into a category called "requirement" will more than likely lead to disappointment for you.

He has a life and his own brain and really needs to think about all sorts, not just about you. Give him the space to do so and it will show you respect him. I know that can just drip in uncertainty for you (anyone! ) and that is a source of worry. However, this comes to answer a question of compatibility and runs both ways in a relationship. A certain level of attention is necessary for the good of any relationship, but too much can have the opposite effect and push someone away.

ShatnersWig I'm assuming you have never fallen victim to severe Anxiety?

Hi Redguitar Aww thankyou, I've self-referred for another course of CBT and had my meds changed, so onwards and upwards hopefully

My now dh and I lived apart for 2.5 years when we were dating. I mean, properly long distance, opposite sides of the world, and we only saw each other every 3 months for those 2.5 years. Even then, we wouldn't necessarily say good night to each other every night. Obviously nighttime was different for each of us, but we'd only really say it if we happened to be talking and one of us was signing off to go to bed...then obviously the other would say good night. I didn't see it as a bad sign. We all go to bed at different times and sometimes people are just busy with life. I would say we only do now if we are apart because we live together and have a child and it's weird to not check in before bedtime to make sure everything is okay. I think you're right it's more your anxiety than a bad sign on his part, but it's good to get that sorted as you don't want to push someone away just because you have your own things going on and make a big deal out of something that probably isn't.

Mindutopia, thank you so much for your reassuring post x

should be the first / last thing on his mind, right?

No. You are asking because you have anxiety and are unsure what is 'normal'. People's lives are busy, complicated and full of other things. It is not a reflection on you or your relationship if your partner doesn't send you a message last thing at night.

Mellodrama well done for taking those steps. It isn't easy! Wishing you all the luck x