Settling debts after a breakup

[Cairnsybot]

My boyfriend of almost 9 years and I are breaking up. We do not make each other happy, we have no connection, he is very selfish, we have no common interests, he shows me no affection or interest in my life. I guess I didn't realise how bad the situation was until I put it into words. Our relationship wasn't terrible but it does not feel like a partnership, more like existing together.

I know this is the right thing to do. I feel like I deserve more than what he can offer me, but now I'm starting to feel really down about it. I guess that's natural after so long, right? Should I be feeling this way if our relationship is so toxic?
We own a house together. We haven't yet spoken about details regarding the house but I can't stop thinking about what's going to happen now. How do these things work? I realise either we will have to sell the house or if he lives here on his own (he could afford to), then he will have to buy me out, whatever that means. How long does this process typically take? I don't know when I should start making arrangements for somewhere else to live, at least on a more permanent basis.
Also, my main concern is that we have joint debt together. We still have £12000 left to pay on a bank loan, as well as about £3000 on credit cards. How would this work?? I guess if we sold the house the profit would pay these debts off, but how would it work if my partner stayed here? Would I have to send him half the monthly amount for the remaining term of the loan?

Sorry for the rambling. I'm trying to make sense of it all. I feel way out of my depth here.

Ime Do Not trust him to pay the loan with your share of cash!! Pay them direct with records /receipts.
Sell up ASAP before it gets nasty.

I see. Yes that makes sense. We have a joint bank account and I was planning on going at the weekend to open my own. Would the bank be able to advise and guide me/us through this to avoid mess?

If your name is on the credit card and loan then even once you’ve paid your 50% you’ll still be liable for the remainder if he doesn’t pay it off. Do you trust him to pay the part of the loan he owes? You may need to get specialist financial or legal advice if you’re worried.

I'd recommend seeing a solicitor. You've got some quite convuluted stuff going on there

If your boyfriend can afford to buy you out how have you managed to jointly run up £15k of debts in the first place?

Joint debt means you are jointly liable to maintain the full loans.

It would be much cleaner if you sold the house and paid off all debt or he stays and you both use equity to repay them.

There are some lessons for the future here too!

With those debts I would suggest you sell the house.
Pay off the debts with equity and the split the rest 50:50
That is the best case and the one you should aim for.
You cannot trust that he will pay off the debts.
If you had no debts then buying you out would mean he gives you 50% of the current equity in the property.
Solicitors would need to be involved as the ownership and deeds would need to be put in his name only.
Would he get a mortgage on this basis?
Is he a high earner?

We have such high debts as we renovated the house before we moved in 4 years ago so we have added significant value to it. He recently got a much better paying job and earns twice as much as me. I estimate that there is about 35000 equity in the property taking into account what weve paid off the mortgage and how much value we have added (approximately)

Even if you pay off half the loan or CC, you're still liable for the last half. And he could just continue to use the CC. You can't settle it and be disengaged from him until both are paid 100%, sorry. It's too risky to pay half then leave him to sort the rest as you're still liable for that debt.

So I'd sell the house and pay it all off together, at the same time, to ensure its closed down.

It's completely normal to feel sad when a relationship ends, its the end of a life you imagined.
Not all relationships are meant to last forever.

Can you freeze joint accounts and also credit cards as important that no further debt added.

After debts and selling costs there won't be a massive amount of equity left.
Assume its £18k he would take on whole mortgage plus add on £18k..then give you £9k.

Ok. Its starting to make a bit more sense now. It all seems so overwhelming. Thanks for the advice