I have a very good life on the outside. And i should be grateful but why do I feel so sad and empty.
Background: Grew up in a very toxic home. Mother emotionally abused me and affected my entire life, father whom i was very close to committed suicide and life just got worse. I'm not sure how I survived all of this. In hindsight my mother is definitely a narcissist. Its unbelievable to me how she has manipulated everyone around her.
looking back, I was such a withdrawn troubled child yet no one noticed this. Alot of people abused me along the way, but i had no voice and no one to turn to. The only thing that kept me going was the desire to leave home. I left home at 19 and it was such a long hard, road but I turned things around for myself.
I met my lovely dh, and he was the first person to ever believe in me. I slowly started healing, and moving forward and things have turned around. We left our home country and leaving everything behind made a massive difference to my state of happiness. We visited infrequently and I was always glad to leave although my DH missed home. After 8 years, we decided to move back home. During the 8 years abroad, we had a great life, although it was just our little family.
We moved back because I wanted to, for the dc and a more relaxed lifestyle.
We are back now, for over 2 years and I just feel so constantly sad and down. I have a great life, I am a sahm to my dc, very financially comfortable, dh is so good to me and loving, everyone tells me i'm just so lucky. As for my family, as my life took off and realised my dh stands behind me, they bend over backwards trying to please me. So why am I so sad.
I feel empty, dead and so unhappy inside. Im sure counselling is the route to go, but i dont know if i have the strength to open up now. Sorry if this came out all confusing.