Divorce

[Rach5l]

What's the best way of getting a divorce?
Separated 3 years, dc, own a house together & both got pensions.
We would need advice on how to split assets, no idea what's fair.
We are so so bad at communication, both sensitive and emotional, been sweeping this under the carpet far too long really don't want to face it. Confused about solicitor/mediation/online etc
Any advice welcome

In a long marriage the assumption is a 50/50 split of assets including house, pensions and savings and debt. Re pensions you will need to get a valuation of each of them and there may need to be re-balancing if one is worth a lot more than the other. You need to see a divorce solicitor to get detailed advice, best to go with a personal recommendation (whatever you do dont go to mediation its crap). You will need to fill in a declaration of assets and child living arrangements. Make sure you agree your declaration of assets and financial settlement before getting your decree nisi - if you're in dispute and start finalising the divorce theres no incentive to settle.

Agree how you plan to share the care of the children - there is no such thing as custody so agree if you want to split that 50/50 or some other arrangement. If they live with you the majority of the time you will expect maintenance to pay towards their upkeep - this is usually on the basis of the CSA calculator - found on their website.

Spousal maintenance may be payable if there is a sizeable difference in salaries so that neither party is left impoverished. It is based on earnings not gender.

Many couples sell the house if they own it so that they can buy two new homes - the father if he has lesser access still has the right to have accommodation suitable for him and his 3 DCs - he cant be expected to live in a studio flat as your DCs deserve to have a nice home to share with both parents.

It is usually best to get a full and final settlement. However in my case my XH wanted us to be able to stay in the house so I borrowed extra on my mortgage to pay him his share so he could put down a deposit and get a mortgage on a house suitable for him and the DC to stay with him in. Because I couldnt afford to buy him out entirely he still owns a share of the house which i will have to pay back or sell when my DC leave further education.

Good luck.