How on earth do you get over your marriage ending?

[TealSeal]

This is so cliche I know. Been with my husband since teens, on and off prior to marriage and quite a fiery relationship. 10 years and a child later and he’s left. Our relationship wasn’t great during the last few years, I had a career change after my son and things have been tough. He left a few months ago but we have been on and off ever since. Only he’s now got a girlfriend.

I can’t even explain the pain, it’s like a physical pain. I feel sick, I haven’t eaten for three weeks. My life should be coming together now that I’ve started my new job and we were planning on more children after my studies. He is my whole life, I don’t really have any family. Even with all his flaws I would take him back in a heartbeat.

I can’t ever imagine being ok with him with someone else. And my mind goes into overdrive imagining him having a baby etc etc

Where do I even start in trying to come to terms with this? I know I am ridiculously dependent upon him emotionally and it’s not healthy. I’m trying to be strong for our child but it’s so hard.

Slowly, you grieve it has stages and takes time!

You will be ok, you will survive this but it’s going to take time.

Please try and eat, even soups or smoothies, your child needs you to be well x

One day at a time. And a great counsellor and lawyer are necessary. (Speaking from experience here).

I am also wondering how you get over this. My stbx also has a new partner I think . I too hope they don't have a baby .

Stbx is emotionally abusive though so on paper I should be glad that we are parting. The reality is that I am very sad however. And feel betrayed.

Also he is making the divorce very difficult. Called me a stupid bitch yesterday. So why am I sad exactly .

Please don't dwell on the drama that was your relationship. You need to focus on what you and your child need right now.

Calm, considered, love is what you can give to your child, keep every negative emotion away if you can.

Well yes it is a physical pain, been there got the unwanted T-shirt. It does take time but in that time you start to change the way you feel about him. You say the relationship was fiery, that it wasn't very good towards the end and how dependant you were on him emotionally. Clearly it wasn't very healthy for either of you. Its now time to focus on the positives of your life, your career, your child, interests, developing new friendships, getting fit, etc, to becoming the strong independent woman you can be. Learn from your mistakes but don't beat yourself up! It is a period of change so be kind to yourself. Very best wishes.

You will. It's a massive cliche but time is a healer.

My long marriage ended suddenly, in a flash he was gone! 💨

The shock was IMMENSE!

The kids, myself and our families were left wondering wth was going on? It turned out there was an OW.

I can tell you I have googled the shit out of Marriage and Affairs and I'll give you some info to google:

Exit and Emotional Affairs.

Co-dependency

Compartmentalisation (men do this)

Tsunami Divorce

Stages of Grief

Websites:

Chumplady

Lesson From The End of a Marriage
(Lisa Arends is also an Author. She answers your Facebook messages too)

Books (I've read all of these):

Runaway Husbands

Parents Who Cheat (children apparently reenact their parents Infidelity)

Leave A Cheater Gain A Life

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail

The end of a marriage is like a Bereavement so you'll go through the stages of grief. This takes time. It's awful.

I understand the pain and it is a physical pain. My ex husband left 2 years ago, after I found evidence of his cheating. We'd been together 20 years.

The pain was nearly unbearable. My already low confidence was knocked. My freida and family rallied round, taking me out or staying in to listen to my rants. You really do go through the various stages of grief.

My confidence actually grew, once I realised how capable I was. I got promoted, I bought ex out of house and I also braved online dating (only when I was really sure I was ready). I've been with my lovely boyfriend for 15 months and am blissfully happy. My ex is no more than a stranger to me now.

It will hurt like buggery, it really will. All you can do is take it a day at a time and then start to plan your future. You can and will do it!