Family planning....

[Futureplan]

Hiya - (I think this will end up being really long so you've been warned )

I was hoping to get some advice on future planning especially relating to having children etc - (Although I know you can't always plan these things)

Bit of background -
So, myself and DP have been together over 5 years, living together a bit over 3 years

We're buying our first place this year and for me, being married before having children is completely non negotiable. I've read too many horror stories on here to think otherwise!

Money is luckily no issue for us with regards to having a family and we've only waited this long to buy as I wanted to make sure we were a good fit before committing to being financially tied to each other.

But my main concern is my study plans - originally I wasn't really interested in children until later in my life however I know he isn't that keen on waiting another 7 years let alone longer!

I'm working on my postgrad at the moment and planning for Grad entry to med school (obviously I might not get in but I'm hopefully planning that I will!)

GEM courses are 4 years, then followed by F1 / F2 then further training. So given my current timeline on my postgrad and then studying for the entrance exams I'm aiming for going in 3 or 4 years, so I'd be 29 or 30.

So I just wanted a bit of input from parents (especially any medical parents!) of when would be best to think about this.

Would it be better to plan children before applying to GEM? so move my timeline up a bit and try at 28/ 29 or while I'm a student? or between finishing the degree course and entering F1?

I think realistically the best time would be after F1 and F2 but I'd be a bit concerned about my fertility if I'm not even trying until I'm 35/36

Tbh I'd do the study first as it's demanding and having small dc while trying to do that full-on a programme would be tough. And you might find your ambitions squashed by family life and not go back. Plenty of women have children in their mid to late thirties - a lot of my peers have much younger dc than I do (I'm in my early forties). I wouldn't advise you to put aside your career aspirations for his desire to have dc earlier.

Unless he's credibly planning to take up the lion's share of childcare responsibilities and is really hands-on at home naturally.

My sister is currently F1 after doing GEM. Knowing what she has been through, I personally could not imagine having children at any point through the to completing F2. I'm sure some may have done it but it would a HUGE double commitment.

Good luck

Thanks for the input :) My mum had me at 36 so I know its not unrealistically late. Oh no that's not an issue.

It might sound a bit harsh as obviously children are a joint decision; but I've made it quite clear throughout our realtionship that children are on my timescale and not his and he's happy with my decision.

Your other half would need to be the full time carer, or you'd need a full time nanny IMHO

I had my dc during f2. I’m no expert but one of the things to consider when having a baby after qualifying is that you’ve been employed by nhs for long enough AND have a job you are going back into.. otherwise you won’t get maternity pay. Hence mid-f2 worked will for me. What I’m getting at is that you should be wary about trying inbetween f2 and further training as might not get mat pay, despite many people thinking this is an ideal time to take time out to have a baby.

A lot of people wait until further in training to take career break for children, but seeing how busy and stressed most regs and consultants are, I’m glad that I’ll be a low-my trainee whilst dealing with the intense toddler years :)

I personally would not have been able to cope with a baby during medical school (financially and time wise) (being a doctor is far easier than med school imo!). Although some of my colleagues did!

Sorry for jumbled reply, hope it helps :)

*lowly

Ps. I am going back to f2 part time. Think full time would be unachievable without a nanny/other parent stay at home/lots of grandparent help

Oh fab @Cuban - where abouts did your sister study if you don't mind me asking?

When discussing children in general we'd already batted the idea of a full time nanny as my DP has a successful and demanding career at the moment, although with his next promotion hopefully in a year or so it will be less demanding!

Thanks so much for the reply @Loner - ah I didn't realise that about in between F2 and further training - I've only just started thinking about it now my other Uni work is becoming more manageable!

Erm, promotions don't usually mean work becomes less demanding.

@Category12 .... I'm perfectly aware of that thank you.

You don't know my DP's career and the next level in his employment structure is a promotion and a lot less demanding than what he's currently doing.

St Georges. She's going back there to do A&E and Intensive care in F2 I believe

Ah that's fab! I've been looking into St George's a lot and really like the look of both the programme and the location!

Definitely talk to others who’ve had children during medical training and get their advice. It’s not the same exactly but I had my first while doing a PhD (in a medical related field but I’m not a doctor dr if that makes sense, I have no clinical background). I had my first at 32 when I was 4 years into a 7 year PhD, took a year off with her and went back to finish up another 3 years after. It was doable with a supportive husband (who was working full time) and family. My field is fairly flexible (not quite like med school) so I could build my work and research around family life. The hardest bit really is the financial side. Childcare is expensive so I would make sure whatever stage you do it at you can afford the nursery costs to go back. I finished last year at 36 and I’m pregnant with our 2nd at 37. The timing has worked perfectly for me (having babies at 32/37) and I wouldn’t have wanted to do it sooner personally. I was 27 when I met my dh and 30 when we got married so we didn’t delay things because of me. That’s just when they felt right. Your 30s aren’t too old for starting a family at all. I’d just make sure you get done whatever you need to first that you need to do without the stress and expense of kids, but also make sure when the time is right that you can really devote yourself to them and are ready for some time off and a change in the pace of life for a bit as you will want a bit of a break and time at home in the early months/year’s.