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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

One year anniversary

16 replies

user1496147688 · 10/01/2018 15:07

So me and my boyfriend have our anniversary coming up and we had been planning what we’re going to do for a couple months now as this day was supposed to be really special, as we have gone through quite a lot together. So our anniversary is in a week, we were meant to spend the day together, go out somewhere nice to eat and then spend the night together. But his friend have asked him to go out that day to smoke shisha, and he’s cancelled all our plans and said we can just go another time. I don’t know what to do? Or is this even bad?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 10/01/2018 15:09

You posted this thread twice. So I'm putting same answer on both:

Get shot. He's a wanker who cares more about smoking with his mate than his girlfriend only a year in.

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 10/01/2018 15:09

Ltb.
If drugs are more important to him why would you want to be with him?

user1493413286 · 10/01/2018 15:10

I think cancelling your plans together (whatever the occasion) without discussing it with you to see a friend isn’t really on. I’d explain to him how upset you are about it.

offside · 10/01/2018 15:11

Shisha isn’t drugs.

But sentiment still the same. Bin him off.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/01/2018 15:12

Er... yes. It's your first anniversary and he's binned you for a night out with his mate? Tell him no, he can smoke shishsa with his mate another night. (And I'm not a massive fan of anniversaries but it sounds important to you - and that he KNOWS its important to you, so if he has still cancelled, he's a selfish little shit.)

Also re: we can just go another time I don't think he quite understands how anniversaries work. Confused

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/01/2018 15:13

You do know what to do. Either accept being with a man who doesn't really care about you, or break up with him and find someone treats you well and prioritises you.

How much of what's made it a difficult year has been down to him being rubbish?

The first year is meant to be hearts, flowers, fun and excitement. If it's shit now it's going to get much worse.

manon123x · 10/01/2018 15:20

Saying 'Break up with him and find someone who treats you well' is a bit harsh.

Speak to him and tell him how important it is too you! Why don't you find a nice shisha bar and go there with him? Just a suggestion. He can see his mates any day of the week but the day of your anniversary is a bit off.. Sometimes boys don't realise that it's quite important to girls! x

fluffycat5601 · 10/01/2018 15:22

Get rid

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/01/2018 15:38

He knew exactly how important it was as they'd both talked about the day and made joint plans for how to celebrate it.

He's now got what he thinks is a better offer with a mate, who he could see at any other time.

Why on earth should OP give up on their nice plans and pander to his grubby habit?

She's an equal member of this relationship and she's so upset about it she's posting on a forum. She's hoping someone will make excuses for his shit behaviour. I'm not going to do that, there aren't any.

She's not expecting him to be a mind reader, to surprise her on the day with roses and diamonds. She wants the day they had planned. She was honest with him about wanting a proper celebration and put a plan in place. How many times on here are posters asked why, when an occasion matters to them, they didn't explicitly say what they wanted. OP has done that and he's let her down completely.

People stay in crappy, unhappy relationships, with crappy, uncaring, irresponsible partners, because other people make excuses for them. Not sure why they're "boys and girls". OP is a grown up woman and her DP is a grown up man. He knows he's letting her down.

OP, you're worth more. Unless he's doing this to put you off the scent and has something amazing planned to sweep you off your feet (and that would be annoying anyway as you've made plans), he's being a dick.

manon123x · 10/01/2018 15:45

They spoke about plans but what I gathered from this is that nothing was booked. Men (boys!) can be stupid sometimes and think that if nothing is booked then it's not going ahead (not making excuses at all just what i gathered).

Shisha is a flavoured pipe, wouldn't really class it as grubby. Never smoked it myself and never really want to, but maybe OP would enjoy it? It was only a suggestion.

OP described him as boyfriend so I just used the word boy, nothing was meant by it...!

I completely agree, his behaviour is shit and if this is how he is and cancelled everything for a day out with his mates (even with realising how important it was) then she should get rid, but everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt!

OP, have you made other plans? If he said about cancelling with his friends would you still want to go out, or would you just feel like he'd rather be with his friends? I think the most important thing for you is not to feel second best! Has he done anything like this before?

Sorry for offending anyone with my original post!

PsychoPumpkin · 10/01/2018 15:49

I think if he’s prioritising an activity he could do on any day of the week over a special occasion with his gf, the chances are he’ll disappoint you time and time again. You sound more invested than he is, and for that alone, I think you’re better off without him.

PsychoPumpkin · 10/01/2018 15:50

Op, if you dont mind me asking, you said you two have been through a lot in your relationship of a year, what sort of things have tested you so far?

Whisky2014 · 10/01/2018 15:54

So the guy you choose to be with can't even be arsed celebrating your first anniversary and has chosen instead to smoke shisha...really? And you don't know what to do?
If he can't be arsed in the first year how well do you think this will go in the future?

Rejectedwoman · 10/01/2018 15:58

Another vote for wanker
Also the comments about been through a lot. Putting my house on it being things he's done which you have brushed under the carpet / ignored / let go etc etc to appease him

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/01/2018 16:07

Me too Rejectedwoman...

loveyoutothemoon · 10/01/2018 17:37

Bin

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