How do you break up with someone?

[IronNeonClasp]

Really, really struggling. When soon to be ex-H and I broke up I was clear in my mind that I wasn't going to date for a good couple of years, spend quality time with my kids and friends. I also wanted to play the field a little as I have been in many monogamous relationships for the past 2 decades .

However, I met someone before ex even moved out early last year. Totally unplanned when you least expect it kind of stuff. Lots of bizarre 'friend connections'.

I have niggles and do not feel settled with him at all. To the point that I think I may want to end it but I don't want to be irrational or hasty. Everything is on his time so I never really know when I'll see him and I am the one with kids. He's not met my kids. I feel terrible as he is so lovely but nothing is sitting right for me at the minute?

Just wondered if anyone else has been here? What you did, if you kept plodding on? Or how you ended it and if you stayed friends?

OK, you really do love him but...?

What's this thread all about? Niggles. Bad sex. Everything on his terms. Feeling unsettled. And your title is how to end it.

Can you explain more how you're feeling?

Category- totally confused. I'm going to have a weekend to myself this weekend. Won't see him.

That seems like a good idea.

What's good about the relationship? What makes him lovely? Do his actions match his words?

Do you feel secure? Does the relationship bring a smile to your face/a spring to your step?

Category - he makes me laugh, I do feel secure. We've done some cool things together. I do love him very much. I can't imagine what I am putting him through as he thought everything was 'ok'. This will have come from nowhere to him.

My divorce (absolute) came through last week. I ended up having a massive go at him about meeting my kids via text. As said in pp the week before Christmas I asked him to pop over to have a cuppa and meet my kids. It has never been mentioned since and why I raised it. I told him my kids are my life.

I went out to 'celebrate' all weekend. Ignored him. He tried to call, visited me (a first and I wasn't home). Sent me another lovely message about wanting to make it work. But I'm feeling completely numb. I've never experienced this before. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've asked him for some space to get my head together.

I don't know whether I'm just mentally exhausted from a tough year or need a break. And I don't know how to address this with him. I don't know what to say next. I keep blocking it from my head so I don't have to think about it. What a fuck up of fucks?

Has anyone been through this?

I think your instincts are working for you but because you can't name "it" you feel stuck and doubting yourself.

I don't think he is perfect, why do you think that? Sex is bad and he is selfish but he is good at messaging and makes you laugh.

Have you actually thought about what you want in a relationship? Are you afraid of being single?
What is his relationship history?

Your divorce coming through is an excellent opportunity to tell him it has brought up a lot of issues for you and you need time on your own without a relationship right now. Stop tying yourself in knots over another man fgs, you are amazing, just you and dc!!x

So an update I guess.

I ended it on Weds. Apparently I left it 'open ended' a couple of friends said. He sent a 'weak excusably sort of reply' immediately and nothing since. He's left the ball in my court and I haven't batted it back. Yet.

I'm feeling terribly sad and thinking about him loads. But it's just not going anywhere unless he steps up to it and you know, I don't think he can.^^ And I can't.

Perhaps I want the unattainable, but having lived with someone for 13.5 years and putting up with something sub-standard is not going to work for me... I shouldn't put up with that right?

Op I'm in a bit dissimilar situation... Is not a sex thing. I've had a 2.5yr relationship where I don't feel as good about it as I ought (also am post divorce and meet DP unexpectedly at a point I'd intend to stay single).

DP wants to love me "forever" and would give me the moon on a stick.... I just am not so much into the relationship anymore. I think we are too different to work as a couple and have requested a "break" but I know DP wants more than friendship but I feel very sad at the thought of it a being all over forever and possibly losing DP from my life altogether... But I can't have my cake and eat it...

@coldlocation I woke up sad. Started to think of the things that 'niggle' me. Plus I haven't heard from him. It's just really sad that it's all ended like this really...

Did you end of by text?

End it

I ended it the weekend before in person (in a rage). But yes by WhatsApp during the week.

Ok. The answer to the question of how to break up with someone you love is 'not by whatsapp'!

It was a lengthy response and he responded straight away.

I am missing him so much my heart is aching

But he hasn't contacted me so I guess he's not bothered.

Do you think it's possible he was so lovely just because he wasn't your ex? So it was just different rather than perfect. The underwhelming sex in the early days is a really bad sign of it lasting.

You sound very confused
Maybe you need some time apart whatever happens ?
It will either lead to missing him and making it work...or not ?
I'm reading it as the latter

I've just come out of a relationship and I've NEVER been on my own and I'm actually really looking forward to it!
I feel I need to heal and just be on my own, would be the worst thing being with someone at the moment

Space is always a good thing i think

Denise it was a lovely 11m's.

Fruity you bet. Completely confused. Had decided it was done this am. Felt totally over it.
Showed a mate our last convo tonight and as she passed phone to me one of us hit 'call' on WhatsApp. I hung up but he called 10 minutes later.

Fucking balls....

Thursday I sent a message saying I called by accident and shall we try again as I was really missing him. I had a really confusing and crappy week tbh. He sent a reply saying "he needed to think about us".
So now I just want to totally knock it on the head, not wait for his response, pick my belongings up from his and move on, be done with all of this crap.

It's totally normal to have a confusing and crappy week when you've just split up with someone (even if you were the one who ended it). It does not mean you should get back together! I think it sounds like you need to be single for a bit.