I'm done!! Playing hard to get won't work on me...

[BusPass30]

She's been interested and all that. Then, two weeks ago or so the games started - a couple of months after she had become positive I was interested. She initiated the whole thing, BTW. She's now making it hard for me to know what she wants or thinks. She gives me mixed signals; one day she's interested, others she acts as if I don't exist. Sometimes, even, she doesn't say hi, yet keeps staring at me from a distance whenever she's around.

I'm not going into details, just want to ask why are some women hellbent on playing hard to get? I understand the security, filtering, picking...and all this, probably justifiable, stuff. But I thought she already established I wasn't a serial killer. Her ex bf was an arsehole (I know the guy), is she being super careful as a result? Or, is she just seeking attention? Establishing salience and uncertainty? I honestly have little patience and limited time for such childish games regardless of how much I care about her. We're both in our 30s FGS. I'm just going to ignore her for a while? Use her own weapon against her? Or just, maybe, forget about the whole thing (I sincerely don't want to lose her)?

I apologise for the frustrated tone. Some advice would be much appreciated.

She's just not that into you.

How do you know that she is actually interested?

You don't sound like you like her much. Have you tried talking?
One thing I have learned the hard way is relationships are just that - the way two people relate to one another.

She'd doesn't like you enough, it's a keep you on the back burner if anything she deems better comes along. Both men and women do this sometimes. It's pretty brutal but understandable.

Have you actually asked her on a date?

Well, we can't advise on that, there is no information.

I'd say she isn't interested, she isn't staring at you (you are probably staring at her), you misread the earlier signs, she's realised you think she's interested when she isn't and hence she has backed off so as not to continue to give you the wrong idea.

And if you think "not being a serial killer" is the bar, you're wrong.

Yep, we've been on a couple of dates. Both were great actually. She initiated the second one.

Game playing (men and women) is exhausting and tedious if it's not your thing. I've seen friends who appeared to thrive on it though . Perhaps they just didn't know any other way, really not sure.

If you are not into game playing then be upfront about that and instantly dismiss anyone who isn't on the same page as you. You won't be compatible.

She may not being intentionally playing games of course. It can be very hard tand confusing to read yourself, let alone a potential new partner, after a horrible/abusive relationship.

If you are this frustrated already I would say she is not the woman for you. Stay friends if you want, but close that door and move on.

I think he’s just frustrated hatty. Maybe he likes her too much?

Silly of her to play games though when you sound like you were making progress. maybe she’s having second thoughts or cold feet

I’d pull back from her. Too much drama!

My advice would be to walk away. Why would you want a relationship or anything else with someone who behaves like this?

Playing hard to get is only possible if you don’t really care that much for someone. So on that basis I’d say she’s not that into you.

I'm still around partly because I had a similar situation about 10 years ago. My ex played hard to get, I ignored her, she chased me...then voila! We ended up in a long-term relationship. I'm hoping it's the same scenario, but not holding my breath and mentally ready to be disillusioned. ;)

Or she is into you and this is a sign of things to come. I'd steer well clear.

If you didn’t like games then don’t play them. Don’t ‘play her at her own game’ just move on.

If she comes back, then tell her you aren’t interested in playing games and if she wants to date then fine, if not she should move on.

If it is right, then this part would be easy. Don’t bother with relationships that start off hard.

@Aussiebean fair point.