What is this called?

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Had a disagreement with my DH at the train station this morning because he won't sort out his phone contract (paying £60 extra per month) and his train ticket (paying £40 when work should cover it).

He said I was picking at him but I pointed out the phone thing is going on for 13 months and train thing 5 months so we are losing out on £100 a month unnecessarily.

When we got on the train I started looking at my phone and clearly indicated that I didn't want to chat. He kept asking me ridiculous questions and muttering under his breath so I'd be forced to answer. There was a couple across from us and the atmosphere was so awkward but he kept asking stupid things so I'd have to answer. This went on for 30 minutes until my stop.

What is this called, what he just did. I'm so sick of him. I have a sick feeling in my stomach now.

Dickwaddery.

Can't you separate your finances?

It’s called “being a confrontational arsehole” ...

Twatism - and it's incurable.

Was he continuing the argument or making small talk?

Did you tell him you didn’t want to talk to him?

Being a complete dick-head!!
So you don't like him.
I'm assuming you have DC otherwise, why are still with him?

You should probably have got up and moved to another seat.
Feeling sick in your stomach is caused by anxiety. Forcing himself on you ( not physically) is abuse imv. Doing it in public where you can’t respond as you would be ‘making a fuss’ is not nice.
He is being nasty as you had flagged a failing of his which he doesn’t want to face. Does he have a problem with reading or something?

Ffs sounds like the poor guy was trying to speak to you, engage you with a view to make up and what you were doing is called 'stonewalling'.

I'd just tell him that you were busy, raise your hand etc. No need to save face. He's the twat.

I'm not sure I've read the same thread as the other posters.

So you tried too discuss a phone bill and train ticket with him, and he says you're "picking at him"
which is an interesting comment for him to make

You then say you indicated not to talk too you, Why?

He then tries to talk on the train but you claim they was "ridiculous questions" and muttering under his breath (presumably because you was ignoring him)

If anything I think you come off a bit shitty in this story not your partner.

Another example of a partnership which is doomed to failure. Get rid and find someone who you like??

Queen our finances are joint but it is more the unnecessary waste of money that annoys me and the fact he won't take responsibility for anything

Mad he was asking stupid unnecessary questions just to make me answer. It was like he was tying to force me to speak. I didnt tell him I didn't want to talk but it would have been enough 100% obvious

Hells yes we have kids

I'm with you kungfu , he feels got at and won't submit so OP goes in a mood and stonewalls him. Nutshell.

Les We had a disagreement. I am so sick of him not taking responsibility and me having to do everything. He wasn't trying to make up with me. He was trying to provoke me by asking me stupid innane questions and was deliberately making me feel uncomfortable in front of other people. He doesn't care if people feel awkward. He keeps pushing.

II think it is a manifestation of anxiety and depression - but generally it is because they have their head in the sand and singing La alalalalalala

I have one of these - Drives me insane but I have become hard skinned and just ask everyday - have you sorted, I have access to his work diary I put reminders in, I get the paperwork out and put it on top of his keyboard when working from home. When we discuss buying something - I will say well if we weren't spending on y it wouldn't be an issue but there is no money there to cover it otherwise so no can't have y

It is what it is. People disagree. But ignoring is stonewalling. If you're having it done to you anyway, on MN. if you don't feel you were willfully being a moody arse with him then yes its called a 'disagreement'. You've answered your own question there.

Kungfu yes he said I was picking at him. I said hardly when he has talked about doing the 2 things for months and yet does nothing about them. Try living with someone who Procrastinates all day long and yet never does anything.

He has a health issue that was diagnosed last July that he won't follow up. Apparently they don't answer the phone. They don't answer the phone or email 're the phone or train issue either. It gets wearing and I snapped this morning

If you bought him as a procrastinator dont be surprised if he doesnt automatically upgrade to a do-er. Mate, it's never gonna happen. So what can you do?

I dunno. I think you should have said “I don’t want to talk to you right now”. I wouldn’t be embarrassed to say that in front of people.

He sounds really immature. I couldn’t deal with that.

Without wanting too sound harsh, it sounds like you try and micro manage a lot and hence why he said stop picking.

You didn't like his response, so you go in a mood and go silent. It was almost like you was punishing him for not agreeing. That would be called abusive by some people.

As a favourite saying on MN he's an adult let him do it himself.

I don’t know what you’re reading Kung but she’s not managing anything, she’s expecting him to act like an adult and stop throwing away £100 a month for no reason.

They had a disagreement, and she didn’t want to talk. She’s human. Who wants to happily chat away like nothing happened in the middle of a disagreement?!

He didn't want to admit he was wrong or take responsibility about the money. So, he could not let the conversation end there, with you looking reasonable and him irresponsible and unable to justify his position. He tried to provoke you into snapping at him. Then he could say / imply / believe that you are a crazy lady who nags and flies off the handle about the most inane things. Thus, everything you say is crazy, inane and should be ignored.

That could be called deflection - deflecting from the issue you've raised into a 'but you do something bad too', 'two wrongs cancel each other out but anyway yours is worst' fest.

It could be called 'having to have the last word'.

It could be called exhausting twattery and why would you live like that?

But, I'd say there could also be an element of this having been an inopportune moment for you to choose to start this conversation. First thing in the morning (are you both morning people?), while doing something else, in public, on your way to doing something else (work? which perhaps he was thinking about at the time?).

So, I think you need to choose better times to instigate conversations about family finances, when you're both calm and available to focus on the subject at hand.

It sounds more like you were expressing frustration at him, in a situation that could only leave him stewing, than seeking to have a sensible discussion with him, that might lead to the desired outcome.

So my question to you is this - is your desired outcome that he changes this expenditure? Or is it to express your frustration and make him feel bad, temporarily? Or perhaps even a signal that you're considering doing so permanently by leaving him?

When we got on the train I started looking at my phone and clearly indicated that I didn't want to chat.

Er... how did you clearly indicate? Sounds like you were stonewalling him. Rude at best, abusive in itself at worst.

OK, so he sounds annoying, but so do you to be honest.

madmags

Maybe I would choose a better time to discuss such things rather than in the morning and at a train station. Her point is valid, but my point is for him too say " your picking at me" is a massive indicator that shouldn't be ignored just because he's a man.

She also mentioned about his health issues and him not ringing.

Interesting you say he should act like an adult, but yet OP a grown adult, acts immature and does the silent treatment because she didnt get the reaction or response she wanted. OK then 😂

Yes I guess it probably wasn't the time or place to bring these things up. But I do discuss these issues at other calmer times and it is to no avail. The phone issue does directly impact on me as the money comes out of my account. It was a present a few years ago and I have asked him to move it to his own account 13 months ago.

In the middle of asking non stop questions he asked me when I am next due to see my counsellor. I told them the date and asked why but he wouldn't elaborate.