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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel so low

7 replies

Jstorm77 · 08/01/2018 19:24

My ex husband and I separated 15 months ago due to his emotionally abusive behaviour. He works out of the country most of the year so I have stayed on in the marital home with our children. I have my name down for a council house but god knows how long that will take. I have tried to find private rent but I have only been self employed for a year and most agencies won't accept this and I don't have a guarantor. I am trying to stay local as I don't want to move the children out of their school but i realise this may have to change.

I started dating someone I used to go to school with 3 months ago. He has been lovely, it was nice to feel loved again. But I just feel under so much pressure. I have ended things with him tonight as I feel totally overwhelmed by everything.

My parents are very unsupportive of my separation as my stbxh is a high earner. Doesn't seem to matter that he spoke to me like a piece of shit all the time. They think I'm mad for giving up financial security. But I have no security as he is useless with money and very secretive with it. I was told by him i was taking the piss because i asked him to help out financially at Christmas. He earns £300 a day.

My boyfriend knew about the situation I was in but has became increasing annoyed by it. Tonight I was accused of enjoying the situation I'm in. I fucking hate it. I dread my ex husband coming home and the atmosphere it causes for the children. But I feel so bad for ending things tonight. I don't really know why I'm writing all this. I just feel so lost and confused and wonder if I'll ever get out of this mess. My grandmother died on new years day and my family have fallen out with me because my ex husband won't be there and can t understand why I don't want his support. I don't need his support and he had never even met my grandmother.

OP posts:
Wineisnotmyfriend · 08/01/2018 19:33

Hi Jstorm. I’ve never faced your circs but I do want you to know there will be someone on MN who will have good advice for you. Meanwhile 💐 for you. Things will improve.

Teabay · 08/01/2018 19:42

I'm in a similar spot to you. My DM also thought I should've stayed and been mistreated, it's been hard.
I stuck to my guns and divorced the mean bastard - and I'm so pleased for me and my DDs that I did.
BUT it's really hard, and, like you, I feel so low today x

Jstorm77 · 08/01/2018 19:50

Thank you for your replies. Teabay I'm sorry to hear you have been through a similar experience. I am sticking to my guns but I feel I have no support at all and I'm fed up being strong all the time. My parents have an absolute cheek on them, their marriage has been a total disaster, affairs, domestic violence, my mother has been in women's aid. They are the last people I would take advice from.

OP posts:
Teabay · 08/01/2018 21:06

Wow, jstorm it sounds like your DP are jealous of what you've had, and even more jealous that you're strong enough to make a clean break from the sht and start a new and much lovelier chapter in your life!
You are doing the right thing, but it's hard, there's no denying it.
I see a counsellor still, around every three / four weeks and it gives me a spot to say "xyz happened, DPs response was this - wtf? Is it me??". And she usually reflects it back so I can see that it definitely isn't!

Teabay · 08/01/2018 21:08

Have you registered a claim with the CMS for child maintenance? If he pays tax in the UK it could be worth doing it, to make sure he contributes appropriately to the cost of DC s.

Jstorm77 · 08/01/2018 21:23

He does pay me maintenance, £300 out of a 6k a month salary. But he doesn't pay uk tax so i wouldn't be able to peruse it if he didn't. He says he will up it when I move out. I feel he's made sure I'm utterly dependant on him and can't move on.

OP posts:
Teabay · 08/01/2018 21:47

But you can and you are. Keep on keeping on.
Maybe seek some legal advice on maintenance in your situation?

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