I need some straight talking - please help!

[thenewstateswoman]

In September my husband told me he wanted a divorce - out of the blue as far as I was concerned but I appreciate we had been through a rocky patch. We have a daughter who is three so we agreed to live in the same house but he'd move into spare bedroom. Things were very awful at this time he was very angry and refused to go to Counselling or even really talk to me about what we going on. So anyway fast forward till a couple of weeks before Christmas and he tells me he thinks he has made a mistake and wants to try again. At this point I'm willing to try to work on this so there we were; acknowledging the problems and trying to work on it. On Friday night he's telling me again he has doubts about how we can move forwards. I say either you are in or you are out and can't keep changing your mind like this. However now I've lost my patience and feel like he's keeping me dangling. I'll never know if he's fully committed to our relationship or family and it's breaking my heart. I feel like in my heart of hearts it's over and I can't live like this. So someone out there help me gather the strength to end this relationship and move forwards with my life. Help!

Either he is in or he is out!

That's it. Whilst he's doing the effing Hokey Cokey (one foot in/one foot out etc) I'm bewildered wandering what the fuck is going on. Scuse the swearing.

Yup - I think you need to take the control back. He has to make a decision which either means a final end, or a 100% full commitment to the marriage, to you and making it work. Anything else is just torture. for you.

Exactly. I'm at the end of my tether. It's one of those I'll always love you but I'm not sure we work well together situation- I think that I need to have a talk with him and lay it all out. I feel sick

Sounds like he has met someone else but is reluctant to be the one to take the blame for a proper split.
Take control and offer to help the fucker pack.

I’d make a decision for him if I were you.

Yep that's how I feel - like I need to take control and end it. I'm happy to move ahead and start a new life with my daughter. He's being fucking spineless.

He says no other woman and I had chosen to believe it. I feel like a fucking idiot though...

Another one who thinks OW sorry OP. If this is the case, he might be wavering because they're arguing and that's why he keeps wavering with you?

Yep she’s definitely there, she’s probably got scared by his decision hence he’s wavering - he won’t go unless she’s there to catch him.

Either way don’t be the lemon sitting there waiting to be picked, take your dignity back and eject him pronto.

I’d put money on an OW. I’d go so far as to guess it’s one he has told that you’ve split, and she’s now decided she doesn’t want him, so he wants to try again with you. I’d ask him to leave for a month so you can decide what you want to do.

Thanks to all. Had a chat last night. He swears no other woman (but why would he admit it?!) - I've chucked an ultimatum- you are in fully and 100% committed or you can leave now. So after a long discussion he has agreed to fully be 'in' and I'm giving in a couple of months to see how it is going. I feel slightly better to have got this off my chest and feel like I've taken control of situation. We are now both putting back on our wedding rings which we had stopped doing so I feel like that's a positive.

Really good luck - I hope it works out however you want it to.

In the kindest possible way I think you both need to do more than see how it goes. Can you get to relate? Or another therapist? You both need to actively work on this. Is there a marriage course running near you? They are run by the church but not particularly Christian if that makes sense.