Off to Relate, should I disclose EA?

[Wineisnotmyfriend]

Please be kind to me, my first post after lurking for a while finding courage...

I had a five month EA with a man I’ve known 30 years, he is divorced I am married. It was a lot of things and ultimately wrong. I know that. We mutually agreed to end it on that basis.

I have been married 19yrs together 26 from when I was 18, two pre pubescent dc. I felt unloved and unappreciated, like a convenient domestic arrangement in my house. My husband is kind and unassuming but neither of us overly happy but just bumbling along.

Sorry to ramble but having had a heart to heart with dh about how we feel, we are off to Relate. Should I mention the EA ? I want Relate to work, I want to find some of the spark from the EA in my marriage. Do I have to share the EA to really stand a chance? I don’t know what to do for the best, any thoughts gratefully received. I only want to make things better and go forward as a family.

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Shatner. I think your comments may fall into the category highlighted by Hunting, ie the EA becomes the only focus. I have shared with my dh my issues within our marriage and he begun to share his with me. We are seeking the counselling in order to give ourselves the best chance of communicating well enough to have a happy marriage going forward.

I know it’s easy to say that I wouldn’t want to share the EA, but I am open to doing so if it will help. I do not want to add to the difficulties we are already facing unnecessarily. My dh knows we have to sort this out as we cannot continue as two lonely individuals who happen to be married. We both want it to work, so I believe we have a good chance whatever I decide about the EA. 🤞

Honestly I think if someone admits to such a thing it says a lot about what their intentions are now. Being clear, ensuring no lies in the relationship.

Dot We're on the same wavelength.

OP Good counsellors will ensure it doesn't become the only focus, if there are other things to be focused on.

I'd would reveal the EA during the relate session where it can be managed properly. It would probably be a bombshell and I can imagine how awkward it would be but better than seeping out at some point.