I feel like shit, please give me a hand hold

[constantchange]

I'm in a really woe is me mood but I'm so upset and deflated. Sitting on the sofa crying and could really use a hand hold.

I'm fed up of my failed relationships.

First serious relationship at 18 lasted 2.5 years. He was a lovely guy but something just didn't feel right to me so I ended it.

After was a 1.5 year relationship with a guy who I absolutely worshiped and wanted to spend my life with, but he didn't want commitment and dumped me.

Earlier this year I thought I'd finally met The One and now that's ended too as he turned out to be not who I thought he was and something also didn't feel right there.

I feel sick of this endless cycle of getting my hopes up then dealing with a break up. The heartbreak of being dumped or the guilt of being the one to dump is awful.

I know there's more to life that romantic relationships/I need to stop seeking it out etc. but I just want one to bloody work.

I'm sorry to hear you're so sad. I guess there are no guarantees in life. Can you throw yourself into something else like exercise/career?

Thank you Not. I do have a job with lovely people which I'm thankful for and I have been there for years now. I'm not a career person really but I do try hard in my role to do good work. I also have a physical hobby which I do every day and see friends often but nothing fulfils in the same way a romantic relationship does for me.

I think I'm just having a shitty evening and I'm sure I'll have my rational head back on tomorrow.

What age are you @constantchange?
I didn't meet DH till I was 28.

By my maths you are only 22?? Maximum?
This is all unfortunately part of growing up. It’s awful it’s grim but it’s really unavoidable.
Good news is you are clearly able to form relationships and can judge for yourself when to end them.
At your age you should really be concentrating on you., your career and aspirations and your friends.
Try to enjoy yourself while you can life doesn’t begin and end with men please value yourself more xxx

I'm mid twenties. I know I'm still young but I also left home very young and started my job very young so I feel so much older than I am. I've lived alone since I was 17 aside from the 2 years I spent with the first serious relationship so I just get lonely and wish I could find the right person to share life's shittyness with sometimes.

You do need a bit of perspective here! It's not an endless cycle, to have ended 2 and been dumped by 1.

I'll be 51 when I marry for a second time this year. That'll be about 22 men in my endless cycle! Some of those were never expected to go far though

You're not in an endless cycle - you're just living life.

Well done for ending 2 unsatisfactory relationships - that's brilliant, and many people don't act so sensibly. If you're feeling so guilty about dumping (more than just a little sorry for them for a week) then it might be worth therapy to check you're not making yourself responsible for other people's happiness.

I'm sorry that it hurts right now, but I think you're right about your rational head... your history is really normal. Most people go through more relationships than that, to really identify what they need and want, and to find it.

Take the learning from each one, and look forward. Endless chances and opportunities, not endless cycle

I was on my own with dd for years, had her when I was very young.
I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met DH in fact I thought I would never meet the right person but I was happy with that.

Hope things change for you soon.

There is a bit of a pattern here. 2 have broken up because 'something didn't feel right'.
Also you left home at 17 & had to live alone.
Can I suggest that you seek help to explore any issues from your early life that may be affecting you.
'Relationships are for facing life's shittiness' suggests rather a jaundiced view on your part?
Hope you feel more positive soon 💐

I'm going through similar. The pain is wretched. I just wanted to say I hear you. Hand hold.

Absolutely everything Ellisandra said.

Thanks for these kind and rational replies. Needed to hear them.

Gacapa If you want to talk I'm here. Speaking to others going through similar really helps.

I think that to say "you're still young" and "the right one will come along" is all well and good looking back from a bit further on in life, but lets be realistic - you're hurting now and that does suck.

Having the strength to end a relationship that wasn't working is an amazing feat not to be dismissed. I went through with a marriage which I had doubts about and it was the worst thing. Give yourself some credit for being so strong and sensible.

Here if you'd like to sound off about things. You can do this!

Relationships hurt when they end, no doubting that, but you knew two weren't right and were mature enough to finish them and move on. Don't feel guilty about it, it's better to end something that isn't working than stay for the sake of it and realise you've thrown a good portion of your life away. (I speak from experience)

Concentrate on being you, and being happy as you and single. Maybe talk to someone about how you feel if you think that could help?

Love tends to catch us when we're least expecting it and not looking for it.

Thanks so much Not and Gran. I'm feeling less emotionally turbulent today although knackered as woke at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep.

I've had a lot of changes recently which has added to the stress of the break up and now that I don't have those changes to deal with I'm having free time to think about the break up.

I have a great supportive family (me moving out young was in no way due to them or us not getting on), good friends and some lovely pets, so I know I have so much good in my life. Heartache just sucks!

Do you have any hobbies or is there anything you wanted to try that you could get stuck into and use some of your free time actively and positively rather than dwelling too much on what has happened?

Try not to dwell too much on the bad points of your past, we've all got them and it doesn't do you any favours to only think on the negatives. Take the positives of your past forwards to the future. It's all a learning curve at the end of the day and makes us who we are, just don't let the negatives define who you are.

Yes I have a hobby Gran, I don't want to say exactly what it is as I post a lot of identifying info on here already but I do it every day and it's something physical

Physical is good, helps get all the anger and negative energy out.

When my marriage broke up, apart from having my physical hobby, I volunteered a little at an Animal rehoming Centre, dog walking etc. Always lots of happy faces at those places and they genuinely want to spend time with you. Always made me feel a little bit better about myself.

Glad to hear today was better and hope that you sleep tonight.

How are you today?

Hope things are getting better xxxx

Thank you for asking

I'm feeling a little better. I'm taking one day at a time at the moment and just keeping busy!

It sucks, I know but please pat yourself on the back. If my daughter had had the courage that you've shown in ending relationships at your age she wouldn't be going through the misery that she's going through now. Love may well come when you least expect it, and if you don't look too hard for it you won't frighten it off.

I'm a similar age with similar experience. Two year relationship at 18 living together, then four years with a man I was planning a wedding with. We split this time last year and I met someone else quite quickly. Thought he was the one but he's also ended things this week. I've tried to throw myself into meetups and hobbies - making new friends instead of meeting men. I know how weird it is when you've not really been a single adult, I'm adjusting. Here if you want to chat xxx

Cheers appella. Hope you're doing ok!