Working out what's going on is killing me

[threedarlingdaughters2011]

So around 7 weeks ago my partner of 8 years left the house hold...leading up to this he had a lot of stress (not excusing what he did, just understanding) his uncle had been diagnosed with dementia, he himself found a lump down below, our daughter has been in and out of hospital, we have three children 6 and under, he works long hours and has been forced into overtime however, the overtime is very generous so can't really refuse, the house is a bulging site and his mum is now moving 1.5 hour drive away and they've always been close. He's notoriously a bottler and does not talk about his feelings or anything. He also visited his dads grace which he hasn't done in 17 years alone anyway...so I can see he himself is in turmoil.

He has since jumped into a rebound thing. He really doesn't seem that fussed on being with this person, and his feelings towards her aren't anything of substance either. Not just from what he had told me but also what he's told his friends.

Since leaving he's very shut off from having any form of chat about what's going on with me and him. He hasn't said anything along the lines of "I don't love you" "I don't want this family" "I don't want to come back etc" he can only say he felt he needed to leave because a "light switched flicked" he's never once said he wasn't happy in our relationship.

To this day, he comes round and goes above and beyond, not just for the children, but for me. He bought me Christmas presents (we never did this when we were together) any job I need doing DIY wise, he does no grumbling, skip runs are done straight away (very unlike him ha!) My gut instinct tells me he wants to come back, but it will also take months and months for him to make that decisions.

He watches my snapchat story daily. Still checks up on me on social media. I don't want to be petty and start blocking and deleting him either.

My question is how do I move forward. This is so SO hard for me. I go a few days where I'm like yesss I'm fine. I'm going good and then like last night I feel so rubbish and cry uncontrollably. I want to get myself to a place where I'm nice and strong but I just don't know how. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/

Crikey. Bit of an Xpost there! Interesting about the not telling mum coincidence.

It was guillt with mine, definitely.

He really didn't improve and, eventually, binned our DS off too (new woman, new start!). Not saying your's would do that but I would be a little wary of someone that selfish.

Just be.

His issues are his alone.

He met her before and left you for her. Unfortunately though his bond and feelings for his family are still there so he's taking his good old time to leave properly, waiting till he feels ready to sever ties properly. Now he knows you're not going to put up with that for too long so he's working on keeping things sweet - presents and being helpful - until he is ready to detach. He's basically using you all as security blankets until he is ready to springboard into his new life, once he feels sure about OW and sure he's not making the wrong decision.

I would cut him off at the knees. Routines immediately, set times for visits and contact, no coming in the family home, no spending family time together, only talk about the children and their well being. Don't let him use you like this because that's what he is doing.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I do believe he has left for another woman and emotionally 'checked out' of your relationship. At the moment he's doing what's easiest and it's very unfair in you.

Stop letting him make all the decisions. Start layout by some ground rules down, don't have him in your home, don't feed him or do him any favours, don't allow him to hang around like he still lives there. He left, he needs to feel the loss, if family life is there for him to dip in and out of as he wishes he will never miss you and the DC.

Hide him from seeing your social media stories, don't reply to his texts for a while. Find your strength, freeze him out a bit.

Supersop - I do feel it could be a midlife crisis..however that's not a excuse for his actions. Had he opened up, I could have supported and opened up to him.

I really don't believe h k

*laying out

I don't believe he did meet this OW beforehand as from what I've been told, it's someone he works with BUT only over the phone. He's based an hour away from her and I was told (by another lady they work with she messaged me "woman to woman") who said my ex had phoned the office for something work related and she had said "how are you" and he "sounded down" so she messaged him after work and they got chatting.

I can't be sure that's true, but throughout our relationship he never gave me reason to doubt him.

I have tried scheduling time with friends and stuff but it's finding a time that works for everyone and I also don't feel like my usual bubbly self and don't want to be dragging people down with me

I don't feed him when he is here, he would only eat here when he has my girls and would buy them and him a takeaway.

Your friends won't ecpect you to be the life of the party, but they will want to support you. You won't drag them down, give them the chance to drag you up.

@MsGameandWatching

What's she said ^^

Completely agree ^^

I don’t mean to sound harsh but he’ll lose respect for you if you keep allowing him to take the piss like this. Take back some power.