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Original poster

I think I have had an affair

15 replies

GetYourRocksOff · 07/01/2018 10:33

A couple of weeks back on a night out with friends we were chatting about OLD, tinder etc. I'm 35 and have been with dh since we were 17. Neither of us used it, it barely existed then.

On the train home I was tipsy and curious so I downloaded tinder and set up a profile with a blank picture. I made myself a bit younger but didn't have any details.

I got tons of matches, just shows men will swipe right for anything! I chatted a bit with a few. One guy was 27 and really funny. I got home and over the next few days kept chatting to him. I got rid of tinder but kept chatting with him on another app. He was funny, sweet, never pushy. He knew my situation.

The contact has dwindled down over the last few days and I have just blocked and deleted the app we were chatting through.

I feel terrible. My dh knows and suspect nothing. I think I just enjoyed the attention. I won't play with fire again but I'm worried what it says about my relationship. Why was I so quick to connect with someone?

What do I do

OP posts:
Jobjobjob · 07/01/2018 10:59

Just don't do it again! How would you feel if you discovered your DH doing this?

It's really hurtful

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 07/01/2018 11:04

I think you need to examine why you did It?

NurseButtercup · 07/01/2018 11:06

I think I just enjoyed the attention.

I think this could be the reason you did it. Are you feeling a bit bored and neglected? Maybe suggest to your DH that you plan a couple of date nights to re-connect?

LaceyRose · 07/01/2018 11:20

I don't think what you've described is an affair so I would try not to beat yourself up. You were tipsy at the time and made a mistake and enjoyed the attention afterwards and can see that now.
Are you happy in your relationship?

Original poster
GetYourRocksOff · 07/01/2018 12:34

Very happy! I've never not wanted to be with him.

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 07/01/2018 12:38

Just forget about it mainly but remember how easy it was, how hurt your oh would be and you would be if he did the same. Focus on keeping your actual relationship vibrant.

LemonysSnicket · 07/01/2018 12:45

Have you never not wanted to be with him because you’ve never been without him? Are you bored?
Happens to the best of us, myself and DP included, we found that dedicating some time to ourselves ( sharing a bath and a glass of wine, going to an interesting museum together, a long walk and a flask of coffee) really boosted our connection ( that and having more sex).

Love takes constant work and attention or it fizzles ... your dabble with OLD was a warning, do something about it and reinvest in your relationship.

Oh, and don’t punish yourself/feel too bad. Yeah you shouldn’t have done it, but nothing really bad happened, you just connected with someone. You didn’t act on it and you didn’t fall in love with him or anything.

Original poster
GetYourRocksOff · 07/01/2018 14:34

I suppose we never really dated or chased each other. We fell deep and fast and have been solid ever since but life has been a whirlwind of houses, work, babies and some illness too. I didn't think I was bored. We are pretty active sexual and quite adventurous. The chatting with that guy wasn't about sex or meeting. It was flirtatious and flattery.

I'd be gutted if dh done the same.

OP posts:
pollythedolly · 07/01/2018 14:38

Well, learn from it. You can't change what's happened and you stopped it yourself. Maybe it's made you appreciate what you have?

peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers · 07/01/2018 14:39

Thats not an affair Hmm

HoHoHoHo · 07/01/2018 14:53

It's not an affair but it's not great is it? I think this is a wake up call that you are not necessarily all that happy. Maybe you need to try abd inject some excitement into your relationship.

Hauntedlobster · 07/01/2018 14:55

You haven’t had an affair.

Viviennemary · 07/01/2018 14:56

Don't be ridiculous. You haven't had an affair. Good heavens. Do you even realise what an affair is.

LaceyRose · 07/01/2018 15:41

I think it's natural to enjoy a bit of flattery. Relationships can get bogged down by day-to-day routine but if you are happy with your partner and have stopped now then no harm done.
Sounds to me like you have suffered enough for a little mistake... try to put it behind you Smile

Handbag101 · 15/01/2018 13:37

Gosh Op. How are you getting on. Did everything settle down for you in the end? I can really relate as the exact same happened to me although I got talking to someone through an online game. I've been very happily married nearly 20 years and an mid 40s. It was definitely the attention and the excitement. However I knew it was only that and deleted the game off my phone. It was hard at first but I got there eventually and me and DH are just as happy as ever. Don't beat yourself up about it as I did exactly the same thing but lesson learned and the game has gone.

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