feel like a burden

[pinklemonade84]

I’m struggling at the moment with anxiety and panic attacks. I saw the dr on Friday to get my medication reviewed and she doubled it, with the possibility of it being raised again in a month if this new dosage doesn’t have an effect.

I’ve been trying to calm myself when a panic attack hits , but sometimes I do need my husband’s reassurance that everything is ok. And sometimes he can be the voice of reason that makes me think about things logically.

I’m up at the moment with dd and think I’ve got a bit of indigestion. I had a few sharp pains in the left side of my chest, which sent me into a panic, with a cold sweat and heart pounding. So, I asked dh to take dd so that I could just pull myself together and he turned nasty and snapped “you’re always fucking panicking!”

I started crying, refused to give him dd, and said that I wasn’t doing it on purpose and asked him to leave the room.

He always has the worst timing for making me feel like a failure and burden on him. I honestly don’t ask him to constantly reassure me, just when I can’t snap out of it. It’s as if he actually seems to think that I can control when the attacks hit.

So I’m now sat here cuddling dd, waiting for her to drift back off and feeling like such a burden to him, just for asking for a bit of help while I struggled

That sounds really awful, op.

When you are feeling better, I think you need to have a quiet word with him and explain how his behaviour made you feel.

He is probably scared OP because he loves you. Mental health problems are hard to understand if you are not that way inclined and there probably is an element of him wishing you didn’t suffer from them. Use this as an incentive to seek and get all the help you can. On the other hand, if he is just an arsehole then LTB...if he is usually kind and loving then I am sure you are not a burden and he just lost it as he was frightened.
I hope you feel better soon, CBT helped massively with my anxiety.

This was me a couple of years ago. I couldn't even leave the house. Please, read the book 'DARE'. It's easy to read in snippets so doable during the day with a baby. I'm now fully recovered, out and about living life with my baby. My relationship with anxiety and panic has totally changed, which is why I'm so passionate in recommending it to anyone who is struggling. You're so brave to face what you do and one day, even though I know it won't seem like it right now, you'll be a stronger and wiser person for the experience x

Yes, I 2nd CBT. It really helped me many moons ago. What you're experiencing is very stressful & you need help to deal with it.

I understand your frustration with him, but also try to see it from his perspective. Living with someone with mental llness can take its toll. Sometimes we all snap, even the best intentioned people do, so unless he is otherwise abusive, I would try to put myself in his shoes and maybe cut him a little slack. We can't all be perfect people all the time.

I doubt he meant to hurt you. It's just sometimes difficult to deal with a mentally ill person and it's also difficult to comprehend if you have never suffered yourself.

A little understanding from both of you will go a long way.

I've been on the other side of the fence and agree with what bluntness has said. There's so much support out there for those suffering with MH, but very little for those partners that are there through it all and some days it does just get on top of you.

With my ex his anxiety and panic attacks impacted heavily on our life. From the nights where he'd wake me in the early hours of the morning hysterical as he thought he was going to die, the panic attacks when driving or being out anywhere which meant we rarely accepted invitations and if we did they were always on his terms. The financial worry as he seemed to struggle with the day to day of having a job, never knowing what would cause the next tailspin. And then there's the loneliness of seeing the person you love reduced to a shell of a person, where no amount of love and support brings them back. Just typing this brings back the tightness in my chest that those days brought.

It's really hard to be that person's fix all the time, no matter how much you want to support them. And the sleepless nights and stress of seeing the person you love like that takes its toll too.

Anxiety is so tough to handle, but I have no doubt you can overcome it. I definitely recommend CBT and mindfulness in helping get a handle on your anxiety.

I second TangledSlinky
I lived a life like that. And I don't think my ex DH would ever understand how horrific it was for me.
People with MH problems, especially anxiety can be very selfish (not intentionally) and I don't mean that as a dig, but when you're having a panic it's hard to do anything than think about that immediate situation
But the person on the other side has to deal with it from a different perspective.

Anyway, you've intimated that he's generally there for you and good guy.

If he isn't then it's a different story all together and perhaps he is causing your anxiety. Only you know that

He’s normally beyond supportive

We have our moments, which I’m sure every relationship does. But on the whole he really isn’t a good guy. He just doesn’t have a lot of tact at times.

It can be so hurtful at times. Especially in the early hours of the morning when I’m sat in the dark trying to get dd to sleep

I agreed being the person on the other side is very hard too. I suspect even harder when children are involved as it affects them and their quality of life too.

Who is the author of that book dare please x