Supporting DM with MH

[partydownseason2]

NC for this as you never know!

I’ll try to keep it brief. My very wonderful DM has suffered with her MH for the last 6/7 years. She has had a tough time in life and I think this is the result of it. GP’s have told her she had anxiety/depression, she has been on AD’s (not any more) but has not sought counselling or any further help. She is very unwilling to go back and seek anything else.

My question is, what can I do to help her? I have not experienced MH problems and so always worry I’m doing/saying the wrong thing and making her feel worse.

Some background, she gets extremely worried/stressed about her family and how they are. Can become paranoid about how people view her (as too old/not clever/talks to much). Will sometimes fixate on a conversation or comment and ask again and again to confirm what she thinks about it (‘wasn’t she rude to say that to me? That was rude wasn’t it?! Etc). She will get extremely distressed and wound up about things. In the past she has taken things out on me, saying some really vicious things but this has mostly stopped.

I feel I am her main support (no DP, LC with her own family) so would really love so ideas or suggestions of what I can do for her.

Thank you for reading this!

Hopeful bump...

You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped or to seek the necessary help. You are woefully underqualified and over invested to actually help someone like your mother and besides which she does not want your help.

Do not be or just as bad become her rescuer and or saviour; this approach does not work in any relationship. Its hard being the last one left but you need to protect your own self ultimately. She probably has not changed much if at all since she herself made some nasty comments towards you, you are still not her emotional punch bag. Its not your fault she is the ways she is, you did not make her that way. Her own family are LC with her for their own reasons.

Deal with your own fear, obligation and guilt instead towards your mother. That would be time indeed better spent.