can you psychoanalyse this behaviour? what kind of personality is this?

[neonpink]

ExP has MH and related physical health issues. He's not around to parent that often owing to both (nor is responsible enough to do so even if he were well), so our kid lives with me. He's been driving me crazy for years. I'm interested to know what kind of personality others think this is...

1. delusions about his input and role e.g. as a parent (talks about himself as if he carries out a lot more than he does, seems to think it's 50/50 even though it's more like 97/3 on a practical level)
2. lying (not so much now but in the past, convoluted, strung out lies he blamed on his MH condition)
3. jekyll and hydey type personality, EA-wise. most of the time ok if things are on his terms (i.e. he's not asked to do anything or questioned on his behaviour or lack of help), but in the mornings extremely horrible to be around, grumpy, nasty, stomping, or if in an anxious state (e.g his OCD routines are interrupted), becomes EA in a similar nasty way. This is a daily occurrence.
4. stay up late (4am) getting up late (1pm) so can never be relied on with parenting
5. projection / gaslighting (in the past) to some extent when challenged about his issues (turning it around, saying I am crazy)
6. never asks any questions about my opinion on anything
7. loves to lecture as if he's an authority on pretty much everything (to be fair he talks pretty well and is reasonably knowledgeable about a lot of stuff but god does he drone on and on and on in a didactic manner)
8. actions and words never match up
9. massive sense of entitlement
10. can be supportive on an emotional level, but rarely, if ever, on a practical level. not much help given he's meant to be a parent.
11. withholding information
12. learned helplessness, pretending not to be capable, or too ill, to help with required tasks, but the lines are blurred between if he is too ill or anxious or just useless or can't be bothered
13. claims of being victimised / hen pecked, every time a complaint is made
14. denying his strops or behaviour is inappropriate
15. taking forever to do anything, hours compared to minutes to get ready to go to the shops, simple tasks can take hours and hours
16. Completely unreliable
17. crazy making in terms of being late. Every time, without fail, 1hr, 2hrs, 2.5hrs... never ever on time (unless there is a free meal in the mix)...
18. very poor self care
19. Hoarding
20. OCD about a lot of stuff eg. handwashing, not touching rubbish, checking doors are locked etc., taking an hour to tie his shoelaces
21. extremely tight (could be related to his status as not working, so he has little money, but crazy making tight)

Is this the behaviour of a narcissist? passive aggressive? BPD?

I'm confused, there are so many issues here, just interested to know what it might be??

He blames everything on his MH and physical health issues but I am sure it must be something more?

Just interested to see what others think. (And yes I am trying to cut down on contact even more than presently)

What attracted you to him?

Snort!

Melania?

I’m dying! :D

Me too

Does he have an actual diagnosis of anything from a health professional.

What I would say is beware wasting your Brain cells on analysing him and ask yourself why you are doing it. Spend time on understanding yourself and how to weed out abusers. I know someone who spent twenty years pondering her ex right up until he died.

Of course when she decided due to a couple of friends of hers who were mediums that he had aspergers she then excused all his behaviours.I fell out with her, well she fell out with me, because I said I didn't believe it nor did I think he had aspergers. The people diagnosing him were mediums and had never even met him and it was an insult to people with aspergers. Unfortunately the person involved is my MIL.

Sounds like my ex! I would describe him as a manipulative narcissist twat with a bit of OCD thrown in when it suited him. I spent far too long trying to work out what was wrong with him and how I could make things better. I ended the relationship a year ago and my life has improved exponentially!