Attraction/flirting between me and my landlord

[NancyPiecrust]

Situation is that I am renting a studio casually off this guy... i will be running my new business from there but it's not through an estate agent, it's more of an informal agreement & can be cancelled with 1 months notice from either party.. no commercial lease etc. This works really well for me as I don't have a lot of startup capital and want to test out my business without a huge commitment to a lease. Although I am putting some £ into renovating it - around £400 on paint & light renovation work.
When I went to look at the studio space, as soon as he walked in I was taken aback at how young and handsome he was as I was expecting him to be some fat old builder ! Ha. What I'm trying to say is I had one of those moments where I felt the impact of meeting him & there was an immediate attraction on my part.
I kind of ignored it and focussed on the renting agreement & professional stuff blah blah and it's only looking back now that I realise I was attracted to him even from the first meeting.
Now a couple of months on, I have been there every week or so overseeing renovations / doing painting myself so we have seen each other quite a lot as he lives opposite & will pretty much every time I am there he will come over and see me and chat to me for a while even when he doesn't need to talk to me about anything. We have had what started out as friendly banter and jokes, talking about our personal lives a tiny bit .. he has met my daughter when she's come to the studio and had a little joke with her.. he has a niece the same age.. and now after 2 months it's kind of become more flirty on both of our sides.. he has been really helpful bringing me tools that he thinks we help me with painting etc which is nice. But also has been professional and business like about things when he's needed to be or when I've had questions about practical landlord-y things.
He also told me that a couple of months ago his wife moved out and that they are now separated and going through a divorce and that they were together for 6 years. I've met his Mum as well as she has her business close by in the same town too & they have all been friendly & they've met my Dad & Mum quite a few times when he's been helping me with DIY stuff to do with the renovations or bringing my daughter to the studio whilst I was painting there and he was there too. All got along well and friendly etc very natural and nice.
But I really don't know that much about him .. he is 40, I am 29.. my ex was 15 years older than me and that didn't work out - my DD's father. He was narcisstic/bipolar unmediated/abusive. So even though I left him 2.5 years ago I am still wary of making wrong choices when it comes to men.
When chatting to my friends about this some of them have said maybe fate has brought this man into my life's and we're a good match in terms of age & where we are in life & we have things in common, get on well etc so why not just let the flirtation continue, let a friendship or more develop naturally.. and some friends have said absolutely not do not go there, you're relying on renting that space from him for your business, he's technically still married, on the rebound, don't mix business and pleasure, not a good idea, very dangerous don't do it, stop flirting or reacting to his flirting and just keep it professional, keep th boundaries etc... but that's hard! Because I do really fancy him & we seem drawn to each other. But in my traumatic experiences of past relationships, when you're drawn to someone it's not always an indicator of healthy love or a good relationship so this and the fact he's not long out of a relationship and I'm renting a studio from him.... makes me very wary. Or.. is it just that life is messy/unpredictable and you should just let it unfold ?
I have spent the last 2.5 years basically ending things with people I've been dating as I realised they weren't long term relationship material or they were on the rebound / unavailable and I could sense/ see that I'd get hurt so I'd just end it before I got feelings or I felt too taken advantage of. Few of them I'm still in contact with as friends though. But maybe I should just stop trying to protect myself and just go with what life brings to me? I live in a rural area so there are really not many men I ever see or meet who I'm attracted to or who are suitable (e.g. Mostly way too young !) and online dating has been depressing / I much prefer to meet someone in real life in a natural way. So..Any advice/opinions on what I should do ?

I would just go with the flow. You've been right in the past couple of years when guys haven't been right for you.

Maybe this guy won't turn out to right either.

But it's only a studio, it's cancellable, if your business doesn't work you won't keep it anyway.

Don't catastrophise something that isn't even a thing yet.

Plus if you did get involved and it went tits up you could just avoid each other. He's only your landlord not your business partner.

Thanks... yes we could definitely avoid each other...I think we only see each other so often now because he makes the effort to come over and see me & chat to me...

And yes I am one for catastrophising....! eek. Also my friends I guess very protective as they really don't want to see me with any more 'bad luck' in life with dissapointing dating life since abusive relationship and hard few years being a single Mum etc etc....I am in a really good place and really happy in my self and starting my business and I think they are trying to warn me off anything that might distract me from that or make it so I can't run my business anymore ! It's a really good value space as it's not right on the high street, and I would struggle to find anywhere else that price I think...with the same flexible, casual deal....
But also....I really...really...am very..attracted to him and obvious he is to me. Kind of.
Also he is technically still married and I'm not really sure what happened why they split up but it's very recent the last few months that she has moved out.....

The fact his wife moved out only recently would for sure make me hold back from a full blown relationship. I would want the divorce to be much further along. Of course they could potentially get back together. But it doesn't mean you have to stop being friendly with him.

Yes exactly, you're right.. I think I'll just keep it friendly and go with the flow. Would be good to see some more opinions ..bump?
But also definitely always a good idea I guess to let things unfold and not overthink... just one of my friends in particular was very anti the idea of anything non platonic developing / happening. And really made it sound like a hugely dangerous thing.!! Eek.

I'm not going to say this guy is wrong per se, but it's very convenient for him to have a girlfriend that is so accessible, it's probably rebound and him learning to move on, but it comes at risk to you in that he is not ready to have a relationship and you clearly don't trust men either.

BOTH of you need to back it off a bit, and learn to co-exist with members of the opposite sex without falling into a relationship.

If I were you, (and I ended up in a relationship with a bloke who sold me his flat, he was controlling and abusive and it didn't end well, but I do have a son with him) I'd back way off and keep things on a professional level for now.

Tell him that you are focussing on your business and won't get involved with anyone, least of all a person you have to pay rent to. Offer friendship but nothing else.

What is it exactly that makes you think he likes you in return?

Why don’t you just see what happens?
Don’t map it out in your head. Take it day by day.

I say leave this one alone. You are at risk of making the mistake of mixing business (in this case yours as you rent space from him) and pleasure.

You have a lot more to lose if it ever goes tits up and the circumstances percentage wise make it more than less likely that this will turn into a solid life relationship. The power is unbalanced a bit.

I would definitely not go there. You don’t want to end up getting the lease terminated unnecessarily and it’s highly likely to be a rebound thing so will probably go wrong.

Thanks for response.. all valid points.. !
I don't think I could easily find another space IF the worst happened ie. we started dating, it went wrong, he decided to tell me he didn't want me to rent the space anymore because of it. Again there's evidence that he is able to keep business stuff very separate as he is business like when he needs to be and has been able to sort of take his landlord hat off and on quite obviously depending on what the situation calls for .. it that makes sense. He seems to have quite strong personal boundaries, in a good way. If that makes sense. And seems pretty down to earth/levelled headed/reasonable person. From the 2 months or so I've known him and had dealings with him nearly every week during renovations.
If he were to "kick me out" (and my business) , he'd be losing out on regular ££ per month as no guarantee he'd easily find someone else to rent the space ... it was empty for around 8 months to a year before I rented it, and he was actively trying to rent it, but it's just off the high street tucked away so not ideal for a retail space plus needed renovation, plus not through estate agent, which obviously put a lot of people or businesses off. But I was willing to give it a go/in start up / testing the market phase and the fact it's off the high street is actually ideal for what I'm using it for.

Another option is that if we were to "go there" I could insist we draw up a contract for the rental so I had a bit more security.

Go for it then

You should really have a contract anyway, regardless of any flirting. Unless you wouldn't mind being asked to leave with no notice.

Oh and the poster who asked what makes me think he likes me in return... well as I said there has been flirting.. unless I've read it all wrong it's seemed pretty obvious to me !
He always comes to see me every time he sees me at the studio (he lives opposite so can see if lights are on) and he comes to chat to me for 20-30 mins at a time even when he really doesn't need to or have anything landlord-y to talk about. And seems to reference / remember small things ive told him or jokes I've made/has made little in-jokes between us. In person mainly friendly chatting/trying to get to know me/ asking me how I am, how my weekend was etc. My Mum also observed that he was really keen to talk to me when she visited. For example he sent me quite a flirty New Years message with kissy face emoji. He had a cold and came in to chat to me so said he was keeping his distance so I didn't catch it. Then 2 days later was my birthday and he messaged me to say Happy Belated Birthday the next day (he'd remembered I'd said it was going to be) and I said something along the lines of don't worry I got your present - your cold !! And he replied with "oh no, if I'd known you were going to get it anyway I'd have just given you a birthday snog!"
And yeah like I said he'll always try and make conversation with me, talk about things we have in common, there's just that kind of rapport where he wants to stick around and chat to me & cracks huge smiles when I say stuff... I don't know it's just obvious vibe ! Helps me out with stuff even when I don't ask him, brought me tools to lend me that he thought would make the decorating easier even when I didn't ask etc. Just being helpful and generous kinda thing. Seems like he wouldn't go out of his way to go that if he didn't sort of like me.

Personally I wouldn't want to get involved with someone who only split up with his wife a couple of months ago, even without the other complications.

Yes Trills that is a good point & it def would deter me from anything more than flirting happening with any speed..... I know she moved out couple months ago & they are going through divorce but who knows how long their relationship was over before she actually moved out ? Hard to tell unless I get to know him more. Guess time will tell. I really do need to focus on my business anyway & know someone pretty well so I can trust a bit more, before getting into romance. But it's a little late for keeping it completely free of flirting.... as it's hard to backpedal from that !?

Look around on the relationship boards and you will see the vast amounts of crap (some) women put up with before they finally think about moving out and divorce....

Hissy.. yes I'm aware having been there myself .. eeek. And of course vice versa what a lot of crap some men put up with before finally ending relationship/ moving out.. my Dad just ended a 6 year relationship with a very childish, narcisstic, 53 year old woman who verbally abused him, threatened to smash up his stuff, threw grown up tantrums, told him he was never good enough and complained constantly even when he bought he presents or made her a cup of tea she chastised him for one reason or another. She never worked even though she didn't have kids to look after, she acted like a child going to bed at 2am and waking up 1pm... lived off him financially hardly contributing at all, even when e was made redundant she was happy to live off his savings & still even when he had no work she was complaining he never spent enough time with her. Spoke to him like crap even in front of me and my bro.. (this is not my Mum btw!) and he wasn't happy / was thinking of a way out for 2 years before he actually ended things. It then took 3 months before he could persuade her to move out of his house, with A LOT of fuss and drama! He was actually scared of her !

I'd just be very careful to get all the business side formalised before getting in any deeper.
Keep your spidey senses on full alert.
Life is for living.

OP here.. (namechanged for other threads for legal matters post)
Interestingly...My Dad was with me today at the studio doing renovations and the dishy landlord came in to get some £ and say hi as he was about as the weekend...he only stayed for like 5 mins. Usually when I'm there on my own he stays and chats for sometimes like half an hour .... haha. But yes thank you for sensible and also optimistic comments. No rush for it to be anything more than friendliness but it's quite good sport nonetheless. Don't like the idea of moving my business at all after putting so much work into it so I think maybe a basic contract would be good if we keep flirting or it goes any further than flirting. Dodgy territory perhaps. We do have something in writing in an email though...doubt that's helpful though if shit hit the fan.

Landlord tenant relationship i dont think its wise i can see it going fucked up if it u didn't work out

Why do you have 2 threads about this situation?

2Cold - This thread was kind of dead/didn't have any responses for a while so I made one on AIBU because I thought more people would see it. Then posted again on here in case anyone who replied here was interested. Sorry if that's not correct Mumsnet etiquette, I wasn't sure.