Being co-dependent and CoDA

[Huntinginthedark]

long time poster NC

I have felt for a long time that I am co-dependant, I just did the checklist that's on their website and it was pretty obvious that I have a tendency towards being this way, scarily all the negative sides too!

Just wondering if anyone out there has had any experience of joining their meetings. I think I I would benefit from them, but the thought of going and sitting in a room and talking about all of it, scares me shitless if I'm honest!

Link it their checklist if anyone is interested in seeing if they might be co-dependant

www.coda-uk.org/index.php?page=patterns-characteristics-of-co-dependency

Hi Hunting, i joined coda a couple of years ago and it's been a great help to me. You don't have to bare your soul at a meeting, or even speak other than your first name and how you are feeling today. Many codependents don't know how they feel, but they could tell you how everyone around them is feeling! You don't have to say or do anything you don't want to do, no one to please but yourself. The biggest relief for me was realising that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do, i.e. I'm off my head for being like this. You hear others' stories whilst they share their "experience, strength and hope" and there's lots to learn in that alone. It's been the making of me and has propelled me into further self education, counselling, etc. I'm not the person I was when I first walked through the door - I hid at the back and looked at the person chairing the meeting and thought no way would I do that 😧 Fast forward a year and I'm leading the meetings without fear, proud of myself for once in my life. It's not a magic wand, I still have days where I feel I'm back at square one, feeling desperate and bewildered but I know this will pass and I'm doing my best. I've met some great people, fellow "nutters" 😉 that I can speak to about such things, as not everyone is willing or able to entertain such intensity or honesty around feelings. No matter how bad I'm feeling before I go, as soon as I enter the room I relax, and that in itself is therapeutic. Give it a go, 6 meetings is suggested to get a broader grasp of it. I wish you all the best!

First post so maybe next time I'll entertain the notion of paragraphs 😁

Haha thanks sarcysue
Don't worry! I could read it fine.

Thanks for your advice, it's really helpful to hear your perspective.
I guess I am a bit scared of not fitting in!!!! Not being liked!!! Turning up and feeling like an idiot!!! All the things you would expect from a co-dependant

I already go to therapy, which has helped me a lot. But I still feel stuck in many ways, and even when I see red flags in a relationship, I just bloody ignore them.

Anyway, I shall give it a go.

Hi. Without wanting to sound condescending I want to say well done for realising you are co-dependent. Of course you have worried and concerns about attending CODA meetings. I do too. What I would say though is you are not alone. There are many co-dependents out there and people who will understand what it is you are going through. You really do not need to worry about being judged!

You may not be aware but I have actually launched a new website regarding co-dependency and a plan to recover from it. If you have a chance it maybe worth a visit as there could be information on there that could help you. You can find it at changing.me.uk

I wish you all the best

Kind Regards

Bob