Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Trapped in hell

26 replies

Britishgurl123 · 06/01/2018 02:30

I have a 3 month old and an emotionally abusive partner. He won't let me leave. I have a studio flat that he rents out to his mate and gives me no money for it. He never let's me see our financials. I have to ask for money just to go buy milk or bread. He's constantly calling me a useless sponge and a pig. I have no family and nowhere to go. Where do I even start when Trying to escape this situation.

OP posts:
BattleCuntGalactica · 06/01/2018 02:34

I can see your handle says you're British but I don't want to assume. The links are British sites but if you're outside Britain then let me know.

Fullerhouse · 06/01/2018 02:35

Big hugs you will figure this out, I’m sure someone will come alone with a good idea of where to start. Do you own this flat he’s friend is renting? Also does the friends have a tenancy agreement signed by yourself and him? The first place imo would be back to tour flag or at least arranging for the rent to be paid directly to your bank so you can rent elsewhere. Do you have any close friends you could go stay with?

Fullerhouse · 06/01/2018 02:36

your and flat my phone has a mind of its own

Agerbilatemycardigan · 06/01/2018 02:37

Please call Women's Aid OP. They'll be able to give you some good advice and are open 24/7.

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8P6IsKbC2AIVwbftCh1uwgqZEAAYASADEgJTf_D_BwE

You need to take your baby and leave as soon as you can as things will only get worse for you both. Good luck my love xx

Original poster
Britishgurl123 · 06/01/2018 02:40

I am in Britain, and it's a housing association flat. I don't even know the guy who's staying there, I've never met him. And I don't have any friends in england. I only moved here a couple of years ago from America

OP posts:
BattleCuntGalactica · 06/01/2018 02:56

Women's aid is your safest bet sweetheart. They can help you escape that. Which part of England are you in, you don't have to be specific to the city but the county area maybe?

Original poster
Britishgurl123 · 06/01/2018 02:59

London, tower Hamlets

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 06/01/2018 03:13

I am in Britain, and it's a housing association flat.

So he's subletting.

Where are you living now?

BrokenBattleDroid · 06/01/2018 03:15

No real advice other than echoing the womensaid suggestion.

Well done for coming on here for help though - those first steps are the hardest. You can do this, and find a wonderful new life for you and you baby, free from this man. FlowersFlowers

TooManyPaws · 06/01/2018 03:15

Local police office is likely to be able to direct you to local help as well as their own domestic violence unit who can be very helpful. Don't forget that financial and psychological abuse is still counted as abuse as far as the police are concerned. He is effectively stealing from you by withholding your rent income.

WitchesHatRim · 06/01/2018 03:17

Please get legal advice too. If he is subletting you HA flat then that is serious. Subletting is illegal.

Original poster
Britishgurl123 · 06/01/2018 03:17

With him. He has a three bedroom house. When I was pregnant he said we should move in together so we would have more room for the baby, and it made sense at the time. And then he said he needed money for his debts and he could make money from renting out my flat and it would make up for me not having a job and being useless

OP posts:
BattleCuntGalactica · 06/01/2018 03:27

This is also a place worth contacting www.hestia.org/contact/

ChickenMom · 06/01/2018 03:36

That flat is in your name! Walk into a local police station with your baby and all of your documents like passport and your tenancyand explain what’s happened. Tell them you are being prevented access to your own home and you are scared for your safety! Surely they can help you gain access to your property? You need proper help. You are in an abusive situation. Do you have any friends or family that you can stay with? Call a local solicitor. Many will do a free half hour session. Please don’t leave it or you risk your flat being taken away from you. You could also call the housing association and ask them to help you. Tell them that you are being prevented from accessing your own home and you are scared for your safety. Tell them you have a newborn and need to get back into your flat.

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/01/2018 03:37

Coercsive and controlling behavior (letting out your flat without your consent and not giving you any money) is now illegal in the UK, dont forget that.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 06/01/2018 03:38

Please take the good advice given, there is help out there.
Do you have family in America ?
Someone is always here, around the clock, don't be alone Sweet.
You may be on the road to hell, but trust me, you can, and will be treading a new path soon.💐

WitchesHatRim · 06/01/2018 03:40

You need to speak to your HA first thing Monday and explain.

If they get wind it's being subletted then there will be trouble.

Psychobabble123 · 06/01/2018 04:29

Yes Police, go as soon as you safely can. Take your baby with you, they will keep you safe Flowers

Dancetothebeat32 · 06/01/2018 05:45

If your flat is a housing association then you allowing him to rent this place to another person is sub letting and is not legal. You need to seek advice from the citizens advice bureau and see where you legally stand in this. Explain that you are in an abusive relationship and what your partner has got you involved in, they will advise and help you , contact women's aid and get away from him, you and your baby deserve a happy life

Thingsdogetbetter · 06/01/2018 10:49

Subletting is illegal. But going to stay with your partner 'temporarily' for support during pregnancy and early months is not! Not OPs fault if her abusive partner then sublets her flat without her consent. He's keepimg the rent money afterall. At least that would be my story.

OP, are the bills at the flat still in your name? Does your post still go there. Because if it does they are indicators that the move was supposed to be temporary.

Pack a bag, baby etc and go straight to police., say you have just found out about flat etc. Get them to help you contact housing association and emergency refuges.

annielouise · 06/01/2018 16:23

Hope you don't mind me asking but do you have any disabilities or MH problems? Asking to see if there are further obstacles that you need to overcome to get out of there. If there are additional needs are there any special agencies you can contact for support?

WitchesHatRim · 06/01/2018 16:34

Subletting is illegal. But going to stay with your partner 'temporarily' for support during pregnancy and early months is not! Not OPs fault if her abusive partner then sublets her flat without her consent. He's keepimg the rent money afterall. At least that would be my story.

Agree but she needs to get their first before they find out.

Gemini69 · 06/01/2018 17:16

he's a HUSTLER .... and is defrauding you Flowers

SandyY2K · 06/01/2018 18:13

You need to tell the HA you were forced ..otherwise you will loose the flat. You're not allowed to sublet.