Am I being over sensitive?

[Twirlingaround]

Just a quick question about if anyone else would be upset by this. My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months. I have been stuck in bed with a full on flu for 3 days now. We have been messaging and she knows that I have no painkillers or anything in the house and am too sick to go and get any (live in the countryside). I feel slightly hurt that she hasn't offered to bring me some. Instead my ex husband has brought me painkillers. I am really grateful to him and kind of hurting that she didn't offer to get me anything. It kinda makes me feel like she is a fairweather girlfriend! Am I being silly and over sensitive? Or not?

Was she just sitting at home, close by with nothing to do, or has she been busy or far away and doing something that would have prevented her from coming? Did you drop hints that she might have missed about the painkillers or ask her outright to bring you some?

How does she know? Have you asked her to bring you anything? I've been poorly this last week and I've sent my DP a shopping list almost daily!

She was at home spring cleaning and taking her dog for a walk. I didn't ask her to bring me tablets...but while I was very sick I did say several times that I had no painkillers. Not as a hint at the time but simply because I couldn't say anything else!

Maybe 6 months is too soon to expect to be looked after a bit when I'm sick?

You should just have asked her to bring you some.

Ok. I guess I would be over there making soup (and I have done in the past). I shouldn't expect that she would automatically do the same.

The thing is, I am confused when people don't tell me what they need and then get upset because I haven't read between the lines or been psychic.

I have many male friends and it has been a common topic. They expect me to be able to advise them because I too am a woman.

I fully understand it is to do with the way the vast majority of women are socialised to put everyone else first and themselves last because patriarchy. So do lots of women I know, but they are still in the 'I shouldn't have to tell you, you should just know' cycle.

Anyway, I'm glad you have some painkillers now and I hope you feel much better soon

If you’d said it three times, I’d have expected an offer too (at least that she’d drop in later). But I do agree, it’s probably easier to just ask.

I don't think you are being too sensitive at all. A person that cares would offer imo. Yes, they could have missed the first time you mentioned it but 3 times...
To be honest OP, I have and do go more out of my way for colleagues and customers than your GF just has.
I'd feel like you do.
Hope you're feeling better.

Weezol I am a woman as is my girlfriend...sorry if I'm not following what you are saying...I am sick. I know that I am conditioned to put others first. I do wonder about that sometimes as I have children and she doesn't and it seems that she is generally unwilling to put herself out compared to me and I may be wrong but I wonder if there is a link there. Anyway, I may not be making sense.

Angel I have now asked her. She said she will bring me meds in the morning.

Fluffy that's it, I feel like I would offer any person I knew my help in getting soup and painkillers if they were ill. To me it is a basic thing.

I think maybe i was a bit rambly - apologies, I do have a tendancy to be a bit scattered when writing.

I know you're both women. I suppose I was wondering if your girlfriend was a bit like me - happy to be helpful, but kind of needs to be asked initially.

Once I know someone needs something I would be there with painkillers. I would then be running baths, washing up and generally looking after the ill person, because these are acts of love to show I care about them.

She might just need a bit of direction - I don't think she's a fair weather person if this is her biggest mistake.

As before, hope you feel a lot better very soon

I don’t think you’re being over sensitive. You shouldn’t have to ask, IMO. If you somebody you care about is struggling and have no meds, it’s automatic to go out and get some.

The guy I’m seeing has a crap immune system. He has a cough or cold at least once a mont. He doesn’t even have to mention being short on meds. If he says to me he’s feeling crap, my first question is, do you have any meds or would you like me to bring some over with some food.

I’m glad your ExH has brought you some. Xx

Always ask for what you need. Hinting isn't going to get you anywhere, and asking directly is less frustrating for everyone involved.

OP I actually think you hit the nail on the head.
As you have children, you are used to looking after others weither they are well or not.
Your gf is used to only looking after herself. Please don't take it to heart. I am sure she never meant to be thoughtless but I do understand where you are coming from.
And i am glad you asked her and she said yes (So shows she cares )
I hope you feel better soon

If I knew someone had the full on flu I would be inclined to stay very far away unless wearing a bio-hazard suit.

If you are really properly ill why would you want to give it to someone you love. I wouldn't. I'd order some painkillers for next day delivery. Or get the ex to bring them and cough on him if I was feeling evil.

Not everyone is intuitive when it comes to some things. Some people will infer that help is needed, others need to be hit over the head with it. Neither is wrong as such. If you had asked, and she said no, fair enough to being hurt. You skirted around it sideways, and yet asked your exH straight out. I don’t think that’s fair. She maybe didn’t pick up on your hints. Be direct and if she still doesn’t help, then that’s different.

Early on in my relationship with DP he got very poorly with a flu type thing and I told a friend I was going round there with some home made soup and to take anything else he needed. She was horrified and said if she were me she'd be staying well away so as not to catch it and/or pass it onto her DCs - she thought I was reckless going round there. Some people are just more practical and don't put others first.

Luckily DP is the type to reciprocate and often has done. He will offer to bring lunch or pick up stuff I might need if one of my DCs is off school ill. People like that are worth their weight in gold. I would find it hurtful if a so called girlfriend couldn't put herself out slightly to help me out. Hope you feel better soon

Stop being a martyr ! If you want something ask. People aren't mind readers!